Tell me what I want, what I really really want...

[brightbluegirl]

What I really need, that I have not been giving myself, is time to reflect.

Time where I'm not working out, I'm not reading, I'm not talking, I'm not listening, I'm not watching, I'm not writing, I'm not doing.

Time to just relax, let things come, deal with them on my own time, and breathe. Time to grok my life and the things that are occuring in it. Time to make plans and discard them, time to decide what I want, time to stretch my mind.

I think, although I'm not sure, that what I most desperately need is true time alone.

I haven't had that in too long.

Just one evening, I think. An entire evening of space to myself, time to cry, time to think, time to scratch my butt.

Even if I don't figure this out, I'll return feeling much more centered.

Comments

[blowtorch-betty.livejournal.com]

I used to really freak out when bq would be away for work, being by myself didn't have very many pleasant associations for me.

Now that I'm much more confident in general and I feel like I have at least some kind of grip on where my life is going it can actually be kind of nice to have the place all to myself for a few days. Don't get me wrong, I still miss him loads, but it's a new and good kind of missing someone.

Time alone can be a very good thing, it allows you to clear your head a bit without any distractions.

Being happy and confident in our relationship helps a lot too. It's really nice to know that even if you're apart, the person you love will still be there for you.

Tell Andrew to go play with the boys for an evening and just take over the place without any thought to the consequences. Leave a big old greasy bath oil ring around the tub if it makes you happy, there are plenty of tomorrows to do the other stuff in.

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

I really like alone time. Usually, I get several evenings a week, because Andrew works such jobs that require some evening commitments from him. Unfortunately, since he's still not finding a job, I don't get that time. It's only been a couple of months, really, since I had that, but I'm feeling it very strongly. Not that I think my messy head right now is from just that - but since my head IS messy, I'm really feeling it.

Soon it will change, he's looking at taking a local theatre commitment for a while, and that will probably come in very handy for my alone time needs, although I bet that by the end of it I'll miss him horribly and I'll complain that we don't get to spend enough time together.

[panaceamatt.livejournal.com]

what you really want, waht you really really want, is something that you already have, but has been there so long, you've learned not to notice it:
find it in silence
and find it in sympathy,
find it in violins
and well performed symphonies.
bind it in valentines
bind it in balconies
overlooking redwoods, pines
and hives filled with honeybees.
seek it in silouettes
seek it in stone
seek it in the heart of
your heart's lonely home.
its there
somewhere
invisible
but only because its as bright as the light you shine it on.

I know what you mean...

[(Anonymous)]

Hey Lisa, It's Shannon again.

I totally know what you mean about needing time and space to yourself. I don't think Scott's extended trip to L.A. could have come at a better time. I've been feeling pent up and lost in my routine for a while.

It helps to have some time without anyone around to figure yourself out. I hope you're feeling better soon.

And that whole full moon thing was just to let you know that the same thing happens to me when it's a full moon. I really think the moon has a more profound effect on the human body than we realize. It helps me to understand that there might be a reason for it, and that I'm not really crazy.

Re: I know what you mean...

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

Someone once mentioned to me that the moon affects the tides, the tides are all water, and our bodies are 86% water, so it makes sense that the moon affects us.

Thanks for the good thoughts. I'm so glad to get this time to myself! I think I'm going to have to pay for it later, and do some work on the weekend, but I'll be glad to do it, because I'll most definitely be in a better headspace.

I hope you feel better too - enjoy your time to yourself!