some days are better than chocolate
Mar. 15th, 2004 11:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlWell, here I am! I'm at work, I'm doing all right, I'm not stressed or angry, I'll see how it goes. I did wake up at 5:30 and have a hard time getting back to sleep, and once I did sleep it was all frustration dreams (I'm trying to get ready for work but my mom wants me to call her and when I do I can't keep the phone to my ear, and someone is messenging me and I've been working from home but I need to get into the office and etc etc...), so I did end up sleeping an extra hour. But that's ok.
So yeah. So far, so good.
Get your reading glasses on, this is going to be a LOOOOONG entry!
The fast started easy. Actually, most of the day was easy.
I woke up at 7am and could NOT get back to sleep. I ended up leaving Andrew in bed (he slept for another 2 1/2 hours), and got up to work off some nervous energy. I started off online, finishing up the deletion of my resume and profile from all job boards. I also washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, and tidied the living room, listening to Tom Jones' "Reload" album...
(I mean, I figured, if I can't eat anything, I can at least LISTEN to cheese... har har har)
We'd got juice the night before - orange, and pineapple (And no, I don't like pineapple-orange juice, they have to be separate!), so I made some tea, drank water and tea, and had a bit of orange juice to start off the day, and then drank just a little whenever I started feeling too hungry or nauseaus.
I have to be really careful with fasting, since I'm hypoglycemic. We made a pact that if either one of us started feeling bad, beyond hunger or anything that could be fixed with juice, that we would eat. I suggested if we needed to, to try eating a bit of fruit first, before diving into eating. Although I'm glad we had the backup if necessary, we didn't need it!
So I puttered around, doing things if I felt like it, until Andrew got up, and for a couple of hours afterwards. It was very low key - I did small things like finally get my paintings out and try to flatten them out, I ironed my batique from Africa (on low heat, I really didn't want to ruin it), and put it up, and etc etc etc. Things that hadn't been done for far too long. I mean, we've been living here for over 6 months now!
The plan was to stay close to home, and to have a low key, beautiful day focussed on our wants and needs. It really worked out like that, too. I made a point to carefully talk about anything that bothered me or that I was thinking about, and I think I worked through some things nicely. I definitely learned a little bit about myself.
We walked down to Canadian tire (about a 10 minute walk from our place if we go slowly), and it was such a GORGEOUS day. Everything was right, and the air smelled like heaven.
And I had a long bath... I read a lot, too.
I thought I'd want to have a nap, but I never did. I didn't get tired.
After a while we just wanted to go out into the sun, so we decided to go for a walk down to the SPCA thrift store. We planned well - we brought the camera, water, and orange juice, and we sauntered down there. Oh, it was gorgeous. All the more enjoyable since last weekend had been so god damned WET and GREY.
We had to stop half way there to pee. Heh. :P
Anyway, we went to the SPCA thrift store, and I felt really removed from the people there. It was like an acid trip, I didn't speak right, I felt it was obvious that I was not quite "right", and my usual ease of getting along with strangers wasn't there. I was quiet and weird and introverted.
Actually, the whole day was like an acid trip, minus the hallucination and comedown. It occurred to me that part of the reason that I like acid is the fact that when I take it, I take an entire 12 hours for myself. I do what I want, I PLAY, really play, I listen to my body, and I let go of all my responsibilities for that time. Nowadays, I don't think I play enough.
I tried on a couple of dresses, and a shirt that I may be able to wear to work (once I make the v-neck a little less... deep), and we pored through the book room. We ended up with the shirt and two books, and they charged Andrew a whole $1.07. That doesn't suck.
So we walked home, slowly, and I talked about work and jobs and everything that I've been trying to figure out for the past while. It was a conversation that was difficult - I had to figure it out in words for myself, and then convey it to Andrew, and that took a while. Almost the whole 45 minutes. But I got there.
Basically: I will find some things to be unhappy about in any professional job of this type, because this is not what I want to do. Every job I've had has had something wrong with it - some things bigger than others, and if I were to search for another job, it would have something wrong with it too - just by virtue of not being the job that I want.
Here, the positives are:
And the negatives are:
What it comes down to, though, is that those positives are a priority for me, and those negatives... well, I can still take pride in my work, even if the end product is crap, and I can remove myself from contact with the people who work for the client, and my team leads.
I just don't care about advancing my career so much as staying IN it until we can do what we want to do. So I've decided to stay with this company for as long as I can.
Anyway, the only hard time was around 8pm. There wasn't anything good on tv, I'd finished my book and didn't want to start a new one, there wasn't anything interesting on the internet (on the WHOLE INTERNET!), and so I started feeling hungry. The BORED hunger. Oh, bane of my existance, a brain that wants to eat because it things eating is interesting.
So we went to Safeway and got White Grape juice. I love white grape juice, but never have it any more - I never have any juice any more, because of the calories and fruit sugars. It was a real treat!
Anyway, that did the trick. I'd thought we'd go to bed early, but we didn't go to sleep until 1am.
I had a lot of dreams that showcased my fears. I had a dream that someone from work logged in to my lj, and left a note on another person from work's lj, a mean note, and then left my name and work number, and caused major problems with my work environment.
(translation - fear of a crappy work situation)
I dreamed that I won a car, and I gave it away for "the cause", some charity I really believed in, and then I found out I had cancer, and my hair was falling out, and then Donald Trump decided I was really good at my job, so he gave me an SUV.
I dreamed that I went to the eye doctor because my contacts were acting up, but the eye doctor told me it was my eyes that were the problem, and that I was going blind.
So yeah. Made sure to cover everything, there.
I'm really glad I did it. I was also really glad to eat on Sunday morning, but I'm really glad I did that. My shoulders loosened up, I smiled a lot, I was calm, and I am still happy. It was such a positive experience.
Slept in until 9, then moved our little behinds pretty quickly, since we had stuff to do, stuff to do.
Fried Brown basmati rice and tofu on toast, with nayonaise, for breakfast. YUM.
We went to Fabricland, and spent 2 hours there. You saw the fabric we got for our things, but we also got boning and bias tape and zippers and interfacing and lining and everything else that we needed for the clothes. It came out to $97 - not bad for 2 outfits for a day such as this!
Then we took the bus down to Commercial Drive, and did some of the quickest grocery shopping in history, and bought some samosas and sweets for lunch, and ate them while walking to our connection. (I had a spinach feta samosa, and OH MY GOD IT WAS DELICIOUS).
So we got to Capilano College, where the concert was, about 30 minutes before the show. The concert was the Arrogant Worms. They are HILARIOUS. Funny as hell. Anyway, Andrew's mom had bought us the tickets for his birthday (He turns 22 on March 23rd), and the concert was at 3pm.
It was grand, just grand. A full house, and everyone was really into it (they have such classics as "Rippy the Gator" which requires hand actions from the audience, and "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate", and other fun tunes, and there were children and families and alterno-kids and older folks and the absentminded professor types... it reminded me, again, FORCIBLY, that B.C. is extremely different than Toronto, and that I like it better here, although I never thought I would...)
Afterwards, it was still light out. About 5pm, and I didn't want to just go home - sticking ourselves on transit while it's still beautiful out just felt like a crime that was it's own punishment.
So instead we went back to Commercial Drive, and wandered around while we decided where to have dinner.
We decided on Wazubee's, a place recommended, but never tried by us. We will DEFINITELY be going back, though. I'm absolutely in love with it. I had a carmelized onion soup with portabello mushrooms, and a spinach salad with goat chevre, almonds, and STRAWBERRIES. Mmmmm yum yum yum yum. Andrew had a pesto wild salmon burger, and that was ALSO terrific. There were about 10 other things on the menu that we wanted to try, that we'll just have to go back for.
I got a chai martini - an extremely tasty thing, but then I realized that I got it because I wanted a chai, not because I wanted alcohol. So I gave it to Andrew instead.
The evening was great, too, because when we got home, Andrew called his mom to thank her for the tickets, and during the conversation, confirmed that they are putting $1000 towards our ceremony and reception! So all the plates and cutlery and things that she's already ordered are paid for, not to mention a lot of the food and such.
It was a nice ending to an exquisite weekend.
I warned you!
So yeah. So far, so good.
Get your reading glasses on, this is going to be a LOOOOONG entry!
The fast started easy. Actually, most of the day was easy.
I woke up at 7am and could NOT get back to sleep. I ended up leaving Andrew in bed (he slept for another 2 1/2 hours), and got up to work off some nervous energy. I started off online, finishing up the deletion of my resume and profile from all job boards. I also washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, and tidied the living room, listening to Tom Jones' "Reload" album...
(I mean, I figured, if I can't eat anything, I can at least LISTEN to cheese... har har har)
We'd got juice the night before - orange, and pineapple (And no, I don't like pineapple-orange juice, they have to be separate!), so I made some tea, drank water and tea, and had a bit of orange juice to start off the day, and then drank just a little whenever I started feeling too hungry or nauseaus.
I have to be really careful with fasting, since I'm hypoglycemic. We made a pact that if either one of us started feeling bad, beyond hunger or anything that could be fixed with juice, that we would eat. I suggested if we needed to, to try eating a bit of fruit first, before diving into eating. Although I'm glad we had the backup if necessary, we didn't need it!
So I puttered around, doing things if I felt like it, until Andrew got up, and for a couple of hours afterwards. It was very low key - I did small things like finally get my paintings out and try to flatten them out, I ironed my batique from Africa (on low heat, I really didn't want to ruin it), and put it up, and etc etc etc. Things that hadn't been done for far too long. I mean, we've been living here for over 6 months now!
The plan was to stay close to home, and to have a low key, beautiful day focussed on our wants and needs. It really worked out like that, too. I made a point to carefully talk about anything that bothered me or that I was thinking about, and I think I worked through some things nicely. I definitely learned a little bit about myself.
We walked down to Canadian tire (about a 10 minute walk from our place if we go slowly), and it was such a GORGEOUS day. Everything was right, and the air smelled like heaven.
And I had a long bath... I read a lot, too.
I thought I'd want to have a nap, but I never did. I didn't get tired.
After a while we just wanted to go out into the sun, so we decided to go for a walk down to the SPCA thrift store. We planned well - we brought the camera, water, and orange juice, and we sauntered down there. Oh, it was gorgeous. All the more enjoyable since last weekend had been so god damned WET and GREY.
We had to stop half way there to pee. Heh. :P
Anyway, we went to the SPCA thrift store, and I felt really removed from the people there. It was like an acid trip, I didn't speak right, I felt it was obvious that I was not quite "right", and my usual ease of getting along with strangers wasn't there. I was quiet and weird and introverted.
Actually, the whole day was like an acid trip, minus the hallucination and comedown. It occurred to me that part of the reason that I like acid is the fact that when I take it, I take an entire 12 hours for myself. I do what I want, I PLAY, really play, I listen to my body, and I let go of all my responsibilities for that time. Nowadays, I don't think I play enough.
I tried on a couple of dresses, and a shirt that I may be able to wear to work (once I make the v-neck a little less... deep), and we pored through the book room. We ended up with the shirt and two books, and they charged Andrew a whole $1.07. That doesn't suck.
So we walked home, slowly, and I talked about work and jobs and everything that I've been trying to figure out for the past while. It was a conversation that was difficult - I had to figure it out in words for myself, and then convey it to Andrew, and that took a while. Almost the whole 45 minutes. But I got there.
Basically: I will find some things to be unhappy about in any professional job of this type, because this is not what I want to do. Every job I've had has had something wrong with it - some things bigger than others, and if I were to search for another job, it would have something wrong with it too - just by virtue of not being the job that I want.
Here, the positives are:
- I do have flex time
- 7.5 hour days are all that's expected, and any more can be traded in for comp time, 1 for 1
- I will get my signing bonus at the end of july - that's going to be a nice chunk (well, before taxes)
- When I'm busy, I'm quite happy with the job
And the negatives are:
- The client SUCKS, and I'll be with them for at least a year (i.e. they really treat us like contractors, they're process is disgusting, the product is shit)
- My team leads micromanage
What it comes down to, though, is that those positives are a priority for me, and those negatives... well, I can still take pride in my work, even if the end product is crap, and I can remove myself from contact with the people who work for the client, and my team leads.
I just don't care about advancing my career so much as staying IN it until we can do what we want to do. So I've decided to stay with this company for as long as I can.
Anyway, the only hard time was around 8pm. There wasn't anything good on tv, I'd finished my book and didn't want to start a new one, there wasn't anything interesting on the internet (on the WHOLE INTERNET!), and so I started feeling hungry. The BORED hunger. Oh, bane of my existance, a brain that wants to eat because it things eating is interesting.
So we went to Safeway and got White Grape juice. I love white grape juice, but never have it any more - I never have any juice any more, because of the calories and fruit sugars. It was a real treat!
Anyway, that did the trick. I'd thought we'd go to bed early, but we didn't go to sleep until 1am.
I had a lot of dreams that showcased my fears. I had a dream that someone from work logged in to my lj, and left a note on another person from work's lj, a mean note, and then left my name and work number, and caused major problems with my work environment.
(translation - fear of a crappy work situation)
I dreamed that I won a car, and I gave it away for "the cause", some charity I really believed in, and then I found out I had cancer, and my hair was falling out, and then Donald Trump decided I was really good at my job, so he gave me an SUV.
I dreamed that I went to the eye doctor because my contacts were acting up, but the eye doctor told me it was my eyes that were the problem, and that I was going blind.
So yeah. Made sure to cover everything, there.
I'm really glad I did it. I was also really glad to eat on Sunday morning, but I'm really glad I did that. My shoulders loosened up, I smiled a lot, I was calm, and I am still happy. It was such a positive experience.
Slept in until 9, then moved our little behinds pretty quickly, since we had stuff to do, stuff to do.
Fried Brown basmati rice and tofu on toast, with nayonaise, for breakfast. YUM.
We went to Fabricland, and spent 2 hours there. You saw the fabric we got for our things, but we also got boning and bias tape and zippers and interfacing and lining and everything else that we needed for the clothes. It came out to $97 - not bad for 2 outfits for a day such as this!
Then we took the bus down to Commercial Drive, and did some of the quickest grocery shopping in history, and bought some samosas and sweets for lunch, and ate them while walking to our connection. (I had a spinach feta samosa, and OH MY GOD IT WAS DELICIOUS).
So we got to Capilano College, where the concert was, about 30 minutes before the show. The concert was the Arrogant Worms. They are HILARIOUS. Funny as hell. Anyway, Andrew's mom had bought us the tickets for his birthday (He turns 22 on March 23rd), and the concert was at 3pm.
It was grand, just grand. A full house, and everyone was really into it (they have such classics as "Rippy the Gator" which requires hand actions from the audience, and "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate", and other fun tunes, and there were children and families and alterno-kids and older folks and the absentminded professor types... it reminded me, again, FORCIBLY, that B.C. is extremely different than Toronto, and that I like it better here, although I never thought I would...)
Afterwards, it was still light out. About 5pm, and I didn't want to just go home - sticking ourselves on transit while it's still beautiful out just felt like a crime that was it's own punishment.
So instead we went back to Commercial Drive, and wandered around while we decided where to have dinner.
We decided on Wazubee's, a place recommended, but never tried by us. We will DEFINITELY be going back, though. I'm absolutely in love with it. I had a carmelized onion soup with portabello mushrooms, and a spinach salad with goat chevre, almonds, and STRAWBERRIES. Mmmmm yum yum yum yum. Andrew had a pesto wild salmon burger, and that was ALSO terrific. There were about 10 other things on the menu that we wanted to try, that we'll just have to go back for.
I got a chai martini - an extremely tasty thing, but then I realized that I got it because I wanted a chai, not because I wanted alcohol. So I gave it to Andrew instead.
The evening was great, too, because when we got home, Andrew called his mom to thank her for the tickets, and during the conversation, confirmed that they are putting $1000 towards our ceremony and reception! So all the plates and cutlery and things that she's already ordered are paid for, not to mention a lot of the food and such.
It was a nice ending to an exquisite weekend.
I warned you!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-03-15 11:57 am (UTC)Let me ask you, do you think you felt better after fasting because you actually completed a task that seems so difficult to those of us with eating problems? (not that we have severe problems as others do, but because it's been our focus for so long?) Or do you think the fast itself helped to cleanse you?
How much juice did you drink? I'm interested to see how many calories you consumed to stay un-hungry.
I don't like pineapple or orange juice but I love orange pinapple juice ;)
Oh, and on the weekends, I always get up at least 2 hours before R. He likes to sleep late, I can't. What does it provide for me? I get a lot of MY time without being away from him. It's fabulous.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-15 01:23 pm (UTC)I was actually careful to not drink too much juice, because I didn't want to consume tons of calories, but I didn't count. I probably had... I don't know, the equivalent of 5 cups of juice? At about 120/cup, that's 600 calories - a horrendously low amount. We got 3 big things of juice, and by the end of the day, 2 were empty and a third had a lot out of it - but Andrew drank a lot, so...
no subject
Date: 2004-03-15 12:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-15 01:24 pm (UTC)