maybe someday
Apr. 7th, 2004 12:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlI tried to go to bed early last night. I figured, with an aching head and body, so tired that I couldn't quite keep my eyes open, that crawling into bed was probably a good idea.
I got up at 10:45 to pee, walked out of the bedroom naked, without my glasses, and almost died from fright, seeing a man dressed in black and sitting on the futon.
It was Andrew, of course. heh.
We ended up talking for over an hour. I was obviously feeling really down, partially because I haven't gotten to spend any time with my bhunny in 2 days. He cuddled me and we talked about life and how unhappy I am with who I am.
Funny, not with who I am as a goal-oriented, intelligent woman, but more as unhappy with my lack of creative time and energy and appearance, and my unability to balance my goals in a cohesive manner, and the fact that I just don't have FUN any more, because I'm always thinking about what I "should" do, and always focussing on goals or failings, and not enough on the moment.
Although it's kind of hard to fix life issues late at night when you're tired, he tried gamely enough. I am finding my need for this weekend more and more extreme.
Anyway, we're really buckling down on spending. He's been offered more hours at the thrift store, plus the ability to be on call, and he's going to take them. This month is going to be tough, because we don't see each other very much, but we'll make it work. And with luck, this weekend will revitalize me the way I need to be revitalized.
That's the one issue, anyway. Money vs spending. We have a budget, and we're going to stick to it again. This is how we're going to balance the debt reduction goals with the "have fun, decorate the house, buy clothes" sort of goals:
-the indie cheapie first run theatres
-when absolutely necessary (i.e. bubbahotep), matinees of the not so cheapie indie theatres
-video rentals, of course
-if we want a fancy meal, we'll make it at home (cheaper than a fancy meal out - but still fancy), unless we want to spend some money from our budget on going out
-cheap eats when going out, i.e. the cheap vegan places we know, a sandwich from capers, or etc
-spca thrift store, value village, wonderbucks, army and navy, cheap-o stores!!!
-mmmm walking the sea wall, camping, picnics, other outside-y stuff
-we have a bunch of 2for1 coupons for various things around the city - botanical gardens, and stuff
Any other ideas?
One good thing is that this will be a lot easier to do now that it's getting so much nicer outside. If I get good workouts out of it as well, that'd be nice.
What we want to do is get back into the habit of a "trip jar". Back when we were living in Toronto, we saved up for trips we wanted to take, using "extra money", i.e. if I worked a shift that wasn't in the budget, or he did, or whatever, using our change that we kept in the change container, and etc. We had a goal to work towards, and it worked really well - we paid for a weeklong vacation to Albuquerque (by bus, though) with that. We want to get back into that habit. We haven't decided if there's a specific trip we're working towards, but just saving for SOMETHING will be nice. Even if it's just going to victoria for a weekend!
Andrew pointed out an important thing, too. Debt reduction is hardest and slowest right at the beginning, but as soon as we put a couple of thousand dollars onto the cards, the change will be visible, and since the principle will go down, the minimum payments will go down, allowing us to pay just that bit more onto the principle every month... it's just the starting point that is the hardest. If I can just be patient.
Patience has never been my strong suit.
As far as living in the moment and enjoying life, having fun, feeling good, and etc... well, I'm just going to have to work at it. I don't like waking up in the morning and having pain from clenching my jaw through the night. Or seeing pictures of me with my mouth all pursed up because I'm thinking of all the things that 'need' doing...
I got up at 10:45 to pee, walked out of the bedroom naked, without my glasses, and almost died from fright, seeing a man dressed in black and sitting on the futon.
It was Andrew, of course. heh.
We ended up talking for over an hour. I was obviously feeling really down, partially because I haven't gotten to spend any time with my bhunny in 2 days. He cuddled me and we talked about life and how unhappy I am with who I am.
Funny, not with who I am as a goal-oriented, intelligent woman, but more as unhappy with my lack of creative time and energy and appearance, and my unability to balance my goals in a cohesive manner, and the fact that I just don't have FUN any more, because I'm always thinking about what I "should" do, and always focussing on goals or failings, and not enough on the moment.
Although it's kind of hard to fix life issues late at night when you're tired, he tried gamely enough. I am finding my need for this weekend more and more extreme.
Anyway, we're really buckling down on spending. He's been offered more hours at the thrift store, plus the ability to be on call, and he's going to take them. This month is going to be tough, because we don't see each other very much, but we'll make it work. And with luck, this weekend will revitalize me the way I need to be revitalized.
That's the one issue, anyway. Money vs spending. We have a budget, and we're going to stick to it again. This is how we're going to balance the debt reduction goals with the "have fun, decorate the house, buy clothes" sort of goals:
-the indie cheapie first run theatres
-when absolutely necessary (i.e. bubbahotep), matinees of the not so cheapie indie theatres
-video rentals, of course
-if we want a fancy meal, we'll make it at home (cheaper than a fancy meal out - but still fancy), unless we want to spend some money from our budget on going out
-cheap eats when going out, i.e. the cheap vegan places we know, a sandwich from capers, or etc
-spca thrift store, value village, wonderbucks, army and navy, cheap-o stores!!!
-mmmm walking the sea wall, camping, picnics, other outside-y stuff
-we have a bunch of 2for1 coupons for various things around the city - botanical gardens, and stuff
Any other ideas?
One good thing is that this will be a lot easier to do now that it's getting so much nicer outside. If I get good workouts out of it as well, that'd be nice.
What we want to do is get back into the habit of a "trip jar". Back when we were living in Toronto, we saved up for trips we wanted to take, using "extra money", i.e. if I worked a shift that wasn't in the budget, or he did, or whatever, using our change that we kept in the change container, and etc. We had a goal to work towards, and it worked really well - we paid for a weeklong vacation to Albuquerque (by bus, though) with that. We want to get back into that habit. We haven't decided if there's a specific trip we're working towards, but just saving for SOMETHING will be nice. Even if it's just going to victoria for a weekend!
Andrew pointed out an important thing, too. Debt reduction is hardest and slowest right at the beginning, but as soon as we put a couple of thousand dollars onto the cards, the change will be visible, and since the principle will go down, the minimum payments will go down, allowing us to pay just that bit more onto the principle every month... it's just the starting point that is the hardest. If I can just be patient.
Patience has never been my strong suit.
As far as living in the moment and enjoying life, having fun, feeling good, and etc... well, I'm just going to have to work at it. I don't like waking up in the morning and having pain from clenching my jaw through the night. Or seeing pictures of me with my mouth all pursed up because I'm thinking of all the things that 'need' doing...
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-07 12:41 pm (UTC)I don't have any suggestions on the cheap entertainment, 'cause well I haven't gone out in forever. I've been trying to find outdoorsy things to do with Siobhan lately, but it's all baby playdate stuff. Woop!
no subject
Date: 2004-04-07 02:14 pm (UTC)Well it's pretty obvious to me that what is of taqntamount absolute importance that absolutely (tantamountly) needs to be done righ now with all seriousness is that you need to have fun.
doctor's orders.
Not having fun depletes the spleen and stagnates the liver. Its bad for your health and your mind. get out there and have the kind of fun that stops you thinking and leaves you in a laughing puddle of careless goo, who's sides hurt from laughing too hard.
That's the stuff.
Oh, and failure to do so wil lresult in you dying from an overabundace of sourpussness (sourpussitis- a very serious condition. it leads to all sorts of destructive and oppressive behaviour).
L-ov-E
you
no subject
Date: 2004-04-07 02:16 pm (UTC)just bring a steak for the vampires.