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brightbluegirlOk, I'm a little more with it today.
Last night, by the time I'd posted, I'd been on the phone for over 2 1/2 hours.
I've since had a hot bath and gone to bed early. It's early now, but I am rested. I'll sleep more later.
When I first heard the news, I thought "Well. Lung Cancer could be worse. A 2 inch mass, they think has been there for a year, meaning it's slow growing. That's good. We'll find out more on Tuesday. Ok. Chances are quite good. She's 75 (an old 75, though, feeble before her time because she doesn't exercise or eat well, and because she and her family decided she was old). Losing granma would be extremely sad, but expected in my lifetime. I won't be sad now - let's see what happens on Tuesday."
Then I spoke to my mother. Who had already had some wine, was up past her bedtime, and who is being her god damned self.
My mother says lung cancer is the worst one of them all. My mother says it's not a question of will it take her now or later, but what her quality of life is, since all doctors are barbarians. My mother says her parents are not capable of making these decisions, and will make the wrong ones no matter what. My mother says granma is too old, too old too old.
It IS her mother, but still... her propensity for thinking the worst is come in full force. I really want her to calm down and think about it rationally. Research it if she has to. Something.
Andrew's grandmother, who is 85, had cancer a year ago. I don't know where. But anyway, it was operated on, she's fine. I still think chances are good, and will continue to until I hear more.
Unfortunately, everything I hear will be through my mother's filter.
Yick.
Anyway, I'm going to clean house today, talk to my mother more, talk to my grandparents, and try to find out what cancer Andrew's grandmother had so I can tell my mom.
Last night, by the time I'd posted, I'd been on the phone for over 2 1/2 hours.
I've since had a hot bath and gone to bed early. It's early now, but I am rested. I'll sleep more later.
When I first heard the news, I thought "Well. Lung Cancer could be worse. A 2 inch mass, they think has been there for a year, meaning it's slow growing. That's good. We'll find out more on Tuesday. Ok. Chances are quite good. She's 75 (an old 75, though, feeble before her time because she doesn't exercise or eat well, and because she and her family decided she was old). Losing granma would be extremely sad, but expected in my lifetime. I won't be sad now - let's see what happens on Tuesday."
Then I spoke to my mother. Who had already had some wine, was up past her bedtime, and who is being her god damned self.
My mother says lung cancer is the worst one of them all. My mother says it's not a question of will it take her now or later, but what her quality of life is, since all doctors are barbarians. My mother says her parents are not capable of making these decisions, and will make the wrong ones no matter what. My mother says granma is too old, too old too old.
It IS her mother, but still... her propensity for thinking the worst is come in full force. I really want her to calm down and think about it rationally. Research it if she has to. Something.
Andrew's grandmother, who is 85, had cancer a year ago. I don't know where. But anyway, it was operated on, she's fine. I still think chances are good, and will continue to until I hear more.
Unfortunately, everything I hear will be through my mother's filter.
Yick.
Anyway, I'm going to clean house today, talk to my mother more, talk to my grandparents, and try to find out what cancer Andrew's grandmother had so I can tell my mom.
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-22 07:45 am (UTC)im not saying it was easy at all. she went through an incredibly long and painful ordeal, but what i learned from it was life changing.
good luck to you and your family...
no subject
Date: 2004-05-22 08:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-22 11:22 am (UTC)I hope the best for you and your gran, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared for all eventualities. maybe its her time to switch bodies. In my experience you can often tell by the person's unconscious attitude. just beyond the fear of the unknown is a calm exceptance in peopl ewho are preparing to leave their bodies. it may be totally unconscious in the terrified, but you can feel it with your body. its like their aura is conglomerating around the navel and getting ready to launch itself into infinity. Then, one day, it unweaves itself and does just that. their breath goes still, and the rest is peace. the butterfly gives flight to its wings and all thats left is the crysalis.
cancer is seen as a particularily severe form of blood stagnation in chinese medicine. in the lungs, it can often indicate an inability to let go of or to fully experience grief. its as if the emotion gets held so tightly, that a ball of condensed energy forms around it, congeals into matter and creates problems. but only western doctors are allowed to treat cancer. they have a patent on it, it seems. people who even make claims to treat cancer in non allopathic ways are jailed sometimes (wilhelm reich was jailed for making and selling devices that he claimed prevented cancer).
take comfort in the spirit.
love