falling, yes I am falling, you keep calling, me back to you

[brightbluegirl]

I am lower today than I have been for a LONG time.

Gonzo said to Andrew yesterday "Are you in a good mood ALL the time?". Andrew said "no, not all the time, but when I'm not, I'm really not." I just looked at Gonzo and said "yeah, most of the time. Isn't it great??"

I know I'm happy more often because of Andrew - not just because I have him in my life, but because his good moods are infectious - and he's so often in a good mood. It's kinda hard to be pissy. (Although I *can* do it)

But today... today I'm LOW.

I want time off, I crave it, Oh gods how I need it. Maybe it's chemical today, maybe not, I don't know. But I'm depressed, more so than since I can remember. It's hard for me to get things done, it's hard for me to think, I feel like I'm in a cocoon. I'm just. Asleep on my feet, but not tired. (I could nap though, I know I could)

Sigh.......

zaftigvegan sent us links to not one, but TWO townhouses near their place that are for sale. TWO, can you imagine!!! But instead of being excited, I'm upset, because I'm not ready for that.

Oh, emotionally I'm ready. I WANT to move in to one of those townhouses. I want to have all that space, that quiet, etc etc.

But financially, we're not ready. I'm going to try to make the next step, I'll call ING, and contact BMO, and find out what we would preapprove for... but I don't feel rich enough to get that place, and I don't know what other things we could do. Ask my stepmother to co-sign? Maybe. I'd ask Andrew's parents, but
I just can't deal with that.

Or maybe, now just isn't the time, financially. After all, there are all sorts of other fees that come with buying a home, and we don't have the money for any of them. We don't even have the cash for a downpayment, there'd be some funny finagling we'd have to do to get that, anyway.

Sigh.

So maybe the answer is to not move at all, and have Andrew get another job, and have me get another job or get a higher wage here, and then just keep squirreling away as much as we can. Or something.

fucking hell, anyway.




The woman who sits behind me has taken to wearing perfume to work. A LOT of perfume. Ugh.


Note: I'm feeling better than I was, but I haven't been that low in a while. I just did an hour of cardio, which has probably helped my mood...

Comments

[hukuma.livejournal.com]

Someone was telling me that they've changed the rules and first-time homebuyers don't need much, or perhaps even any, down payment. So even if you don't feel rich enough, you might be "rich" enough. But I don't know, you have a much better understanding of your finances than I do of mine.

[zaftigvegan.livejournal.com]

well!
that totally wasn't my intent, to make you feel upset and malcontent. it's just that we'd been talking about it and you were asking questions about it and i saw those and thought i'd show you.

i'm sorry. :/

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

No!!!!! You didn't do anything wrong!! At first, I was like OOOOOH we gotta get in gear get this done, buy one of those places, right away right away!!!! And I think that's what turned me sad, cuz then it felt all insurmountable.

Andrew and I were talking about it last night, and we've decided our first plan of attack is to stop throwing all our extra money onto the credit cards, and start saving for a downpayment. In 5 months or so, we'll be a lot closer to having one. So now I just hope there will be a place for sale where you are, at that time!

[zaftigvegan.livejournal.com]

okay. i was really worried i'd done something that made you sad.

i really, strongly encourage you to talk to a bank/mortgage company/whatever leon reccommended before you say you can or can't afford something...because you really might be surprised.

also, don't be fooled by the list prices on those places. ours listed at 139,000 and we got it, in the end, for 126,000. that's what a good real estate agent is for. :)

[asimplelife.livejournal.com]

Oh luverly, I am so sorry that you are having an off-day. If it makes you feel better, the CRAZY new girl sprayed a perfume spray around the office after lunch, so I definitely feel your pain.

When you are ready to make the big jump into home ownership, Imma sure you will get down to business and come through with flying colours. Until then, love your current space, keep up the good work of being thankful for what you do have.

Yer awesome. It will work out for you, I am sure =)

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

uhhuh ((hugs)) an off day, i do agree.

I think it may be well worth it to check out the bank stuff and see where you are at, sometimes, you can be surprised.

[estrojenn.livejournal.com]

im sorry...i have felt like that as well.

as for the house stuff...i just had a long conversation with my sister last night who bought a house before she really could afford it. she confided in me how miserable she has been being 'house poor'. they even had to refinance at one point and she has only had it for 2 years! plus her furnace broke down and her basement pipes broke etc. she said (for the first time) that she really wishes she had waited.

not to make you more depressed...but home ownership can be a HUGE drain emotionally, financially etc. sometimes it is better to wait until you have a bit of financial wiggle room before jumping in. the only reason i was able to buy is because it was cheap. very cheap. but i have to say, replacing the roof, the water and tax bill and having to replace all of our pipes leading to the main sewer was enough to almost sink me financially as well.

[aibrean-owl.livejournal.com]

hugs. A bit late...but hugs to you anyway. I hope today is better.

[fanlain.livejournal.com]

I LOVE your place already! I'd gladly switch my apartment for yours. Ok, ok so it's not the apartment - I love what you've done to the decor of your current place? And I bet the kids next door don't want the nice lady with the cookies to go away?!