a real post
Jan. 28th, 2005 05:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlThis trip has been a combination of really good and really bad. For example:
-my mother has twice in two days told me that I am a fantastic cook, stating that I made two of her favourite dishes BETTER than SHE makes them.
-driving in the car with my mother and brother is HORRIFIC, as she tells me what lane I have to be in and when to turn and how to do it and this that and the other thing, and he lectures me on when I should be looking in my rear view mirror and HOW I should be driving.
They both make me so angry. Like last night, when my mother told me THREE times that I am "so mean" to her, as I prepared a snack for her, made today's breakfast, brought her wine, and cleaned her kitchen while she and Gonzo relaxed in the living room.
Anyway, I could go on, but why bother?
Ugh.
The viewings yesterday were alright - it was mostly ok, until the evening "prayer" session, where there was a bit of song and my granma loved to sing, and I cried then. Particularly since my Uncle cried, and I have never seen him cry, ever.
Today's funeral was fine... extremely Catholic, and the organist/song leader woman couldn't carry a tune to save her life... but I know that this was important to Granma, and so I loved it for her sake. Just before, in the funeral home as we said our last goodbyes, with just family there, my granpa broke down, and that was horrible to see. Just awful.
My mother is snoring quite loudly right now, and I'm so glad, she needs her rest.
My grandmother was well loved. She was known by so many people, I had no idea. The viewings were so packed the funeral home was surprised, and after the afternoon (traditionally smaller) viewing, they moved our evening viewing to the chapel. We spent a full hour and a half in the receiving line last night meeting all these people.
I miss my Granma, I really do. Her going isn't what bothers me... it's her being gone. That she died is a part of her life... but so is the lack of her in *my* life... you know?
Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do about dinner for tonight. Perhaps I'll make that black bean chili, and a wacky cake as a special thing for my mom. Perhaps.
Tomorrow I go to KW to spend time with friends, sleep over, and then to my Dad's on Sunday.
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pennycuts, I just can't find a way to get out there on Sunday, I'm sorry. :( I really want to meet up with you, but this isn't the time.
-my mother has twice in two days told me that I am a fantastic cook, stating that I made two of her favourite dishes BETTER than SHE makes them.
-driving in the car with my mother and brother is HORRIFIC, as she tells me what lane I have to be in and when to turn and how to do it and this that and the other thing, and he lectures me on when I should be looking in my rear view mirror and HOW I should be driving.
They both make me so angry. Like last night, when my mother told me THREE times that I am "so mean" to her, as I prepared a snack for her, made today's breakfast, brought her wine, and cleaned her kitchen while she and Gonzo relaxed in the living room.
Anyway, I could go on, but why bother?
Ugh.
The viewings yesterday were alright - it was mostly ok, until the evening "prayer" session, where there was a bit of song and my granma loved to sing, and I cried then. Particularly since my Uncle cried, and I have never seen him cry, ever.
Today's funeral was fine... extremely Catholic, and the organist/song leader woman couldn't carry a tune to save her life... but I know that this was important to Granma, and so I loved it for her sake. Just before, in the funeral home as we said our last goodbyes, with just family there, my granpa broke down, and that was horrible to see. Just awful.
My mother is snoring quite loudly right now, and I'm so glad, she needs her rest.
My grandmother was well loved. She was known by so many people, I had no idea. The viewings were so packed the funeral home was surprised, and after the afternoon (traditionally smaller) viewing, they moved our evening viewing to the chapel. We spent a full hour and a half in the receiving line last night meeting all these people.
I miss my Granma, I really do. Her going isn't what bothers me... it's her being gone. That she died is a part of her life... but so is the lack of her in *my* life... you know?
Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do about dinner for tonight. Perhaps I'll make that black bean chili, and a wacky cake as a special thing for my mom. Perhaps.
Tomorrow I go to KW to spend time with friends, sleep over, and then to my Dad's on Sunday.
Pretty
pennycuts, I just can't find a way to get out there on Sunday, I'm sorry. :( I really want to meet up with you, but this isn't the time.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-28 11:19 pm (UTC)Please don't worry about meeting, i forgot you had so many friends out there , really don't worry, there will be other opportunities and maybe fate just didn't allows us to meet because it wasent the right time.. maybe both our boys are suppose to be there for it:)
Just take care of yourself :)
no subject
Date: 2005-01-29 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-29 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-29 05:40 pm (UTC)but i'm glad she's appreciating your mad cooking skillz at least.
you sound really calm and accepting of everything and that heartens me. i've been thinking about you a lot and hoping you're holding up okay.