slipping into seriousness
May. 9th, 2005 08:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlSadly, one of my friend's fish is dead. I think it had been dead for a while, and I just didn't notice it yesterday. So Andrew had to flush it. :( Poor fishy.
I don't look forward to telling my work friend and her partner. At least it's not one of their cats, or their plants, right??? Fish tend to die a lot.
Although, when I had fish, I had them for years and it was the same 3 goldfish. They grew pretty big, too. When we moved to Albuquerque I gave them to a friend of mine - and they lived for at least another year before ONE of them croaked. (haha, croaked. But it wasn't a frog!... oh never mind. ;P)
Sadness. :(
Other than that, though, I spent a WHOLE DAY yesterday watching tv. Well, other than some swimming action. And a bath. But you get the idea. Cable is cool, man. I think I'm done for a while, though. One day and one night is more than enough for me.
My plans for the day include:
1) Going to the library and grocery store
2) working out
3) dinner and hanging out with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kirithebrave, if'n she's up for it
aaaaand that's about it.
I tried all day to get ahold of my mom, and wasn't able to. I have no idea why not. Maybe she went to her mother's grave? And yet, that's not an all day affair. I'm a little worried about her physical well being. However, I'm afraid that when I DO get in touch with her, it's going to be more of the same "oh woe is me, you don't understand, my life is SOOOOO HARD BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS A VICTIM AND A MARTYR AND EVERYBODY TREATS ME HORRIBLY AND NOONE LOVES ME AND I DONT HAVE A HUSBAND TO DO THINGS FOR ME AND I WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE AND I AM OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD AND INCAPABLE OF BEING HAPPY MYSELF"
I adore mothers, I do. And my own mother is pretty good... in small doses, on her good days, from far away, when I forcefully pretend I don't remember what happened when I was younger.
A friend of mine wrote about her mother, and her explorations of thought about what she would feel like if no-one believed that she went through what she did with her mom. I know that just a few years ago, I got a phone call from my father apologizing for what happened, saying that he should have stopped her and he never did. It was the first time he mentioned it at all, and I remember the HUGE feeling of relief for being validated like that. I cried a lot that day.
I don't look forward to telling my work friend and her partner. At least it's not one of their cats, or their plants, right??? Fish tend to die a lot.
Although, when I had fish, I had them for years and it was the same 3 goldfish. They grew pretty big, too. When we moved to Albuquerque I gave them to a friend of mine - and they lived for at least another year before ONE of them croaked. (haha, croaked. But it wasn't a frog!... oh never mind. ;P)
Sadness. :(
Other than that, though, I spent a WHOLE DAY yesterday watching tv. Well, other than some swimming action. And a bath. But you get the idea. Cable is cool, man. I think I'm done for a while, though. One day and one night is more than enough for me.
My plans for the day include:
1) Going to the library and grocery store
2) working out
3) dinner and hanging out with
kirithebrave, if'n she's up for itaaaaand that's about it.
I tried all day to get ahold of my mom, and wasn't able to. I have no idea why not. Maybe she went to her mother's grave? And yet, that's not an all day affair. I'm a little worried about her physical well being. However, I'm afraid that when I DO get in touch with her, it's going to be more of the same "oh woe is me, you don't understand, my life is SOOOOO HARD BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS A VICTIM AND A MARTYR AND EVERYBODY TREATS ME HORRIBLY AND NOONE LOVES ME AND I DONT HAVE A HUSBAND TO DO THINGS FOR ME AND I WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE AND I AM OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD AND INCAPABLE OF BEING HAPPY MYSELF"
I adore mothers, I do. And my own mother is pretty good... in small doses, on her good days, from far away, when I forcefully pretend I don't remember what happened when I was younger.
A friend of mine wrote about her mother, and her explorations of thought about what she would feel like if no-one believed that she went through what she did with her mom. I know that just a few years ago, I got a phone call from my father apologizing for what happened, saying that he should have stopped her and he never did. It was the first time he mentioned it at all, and I remember the HUGE feeling of relief for being validated like that. I cried a lot that day.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 05:13 pm (UTC)and, someone wise once told me that part of being a parent is accepting that you're going to traumatize and fuck your kid up in at least some little way(s), but your job should be to try and minimize that as much as possible, not fucking revel in it. unfortunately no one seems to have had that little chat with your mom, or my stepdad, when we were wee. at least you and i get to learn from their mistakes, right?
no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 05:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 05:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 05:54 pm (UTC)i'm trying to not schedule myself to heavily because this week was supposed to be "home decor/improvement" week and also "alone time to think through Very Serious Things" week so let me get back to you in the next day or two.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 05:55 pm (UTC)It's totally cool, darlin yo. I mean, we can get together later. I want you to enjoy your quiet time, I don't want to add to your stressors!
no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 06:00 pm (UTC)i think i would probably enjoy downtown time with you more when you could go eat a soy gelato on a cone with me, though.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 06:33 pm (UTC)Also, I want to try something from the Raw food joint in the Melting Pot (or whatever it's called) on the Drive.
Anyway, whatever is best for you. :D
no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 01:38 am (UTC)we'ze all gonna hang out, yo!
how about coming over after Saby gets off work? That's good for me. We'll supply food, if you want to drink, bring your own, cuz we aren't drinking at all on the cleanse.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 01:39 am (UTC)