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brightbluegirlFunny thing, hypocrisy. So obvious to everyone but the hypocrite.
And that's all I'll say about that.
And sometimes, depression just seems like self indulgence.
And now I shall move on again.
Somehow I've gotten hooked on Reality TV. Not the stupid things like Survivor or Fear Factor or The Bachelor or whatever the hell else there is. But The Surreal Life, and Joe Millionaire, and High School Reunion.
Granted, Andrew and I don't have any money, nor cable, so we watch the best of what is available, and more so than before, because of the free things to do, even reading can get tiring, you can run out of creative fire, and eventually, sex will hurt. So we've been watching more tv.
I love watching them, and trying to figure out what the people are really like, and make my own decisions, and shout derisive things at the tv, and discuss whatever points come up as a result (i.e. what would I do if I were in a reality show, what is my high school reunion for, would I go, etc etc).
It's not all that thinky, mind you, but it's fun.
But just for the record - when I'm looking to Escape Reality, I want escapist stuff. That's why I go for fantasy literature, and Sci Fi stuff, and mysteries. I don't want reality based things! I don't want war. I don't want serial killers (unless what they do is very backgroundy, and what I'm paying attention to is solving the mystery to catch the serial killer in question).
Apparently, that's why I go for these particular "Reality" shows as well. It's not like they're actually based in reality.
Andrew and I are talking about doing some biking trips this spring. Since spring has already started, I guess that'll be soon.
When we have money, we want to buy some camping gear, but until then, it'll be day trips only.
At the moment, the first trip we want to do is biking out to the short hills (or whatever they're called) in the mountains, and doing some hiking, then biking back. We figure it's approximately an hour and a half bike ride each way - chump change.
I'm excited about that.
I've had a dream for as long as I can remember, that has to do with being in good enough shape to go on a long trip. I read "A Walk Across America" when I was in grade 9, and that helped form the dream.
The dream has taken a couple of different forms. For awhile, I wanted to take a couple of weeks and walk around part of Ontario - that's metamorphasized into a walk along The Bruce Trail. The Bruce Trail is about 800km long (about 500 miles). I figure it would take about 2 months to walk. Done in the spring or early summer, a beautiful walk. Hell, in the fall it would be a beautiful walk. Just cooler.
I never did it, however. I always thought it would be safest if I went with someone, preferably a boy. When I was with Aaron, he had no interest. When I was with Alex, he REALLY had no interest (he made a big deal about going to a local gorge for a couple of hours, and he chain smoked the whole time we were there).
I was talking about the dream the other day, and Andrew said it sounds wonderful, and he'd like to come along. (!!!) Awesome!!!
So we don't know when, but at least I can keep having my dream.
Another way this manifested itself was when I was living in Ottawa. I wanted to bike to Prince Edward Island, where a lot of my mother's family lives. Ottawa to Tignish is 1200 km (750 miles). I figured I could bike it in 12 days, stay there a couple of days, and fly back.
I'd started training for it, too. I was going to go in June of 1999. Then a stupid drunk idiot swerved out of his lane and hit the drivers side of my car head on at 80km an hour at 5am one January morning. I walked away from the accident, but I had whiplash and things that totally put me out of commission for long enough to screw up my training schedule. Then I ended up moving to Waterloo, and that dream died.
But Andrew likes the idea of biking places, too!!!
This is so exciting. It's so... wierd and right and wonderful and shocking and terrific to be with someone who likes SO MANY of the same things as I do. That he likes being active, likes eating organic and home made things. Likes adventures. Likes trips that require you be active the whole time. Doesn't need to spend money to be happy. Is artistic. Is everything.
And that's all I'll say about that.
And sometimes, depression just seems like self indulgence.
And now I shall move on again.
Somehow I've gotten hooked on Reality TV. Not the stupid things like Survivor or Fear Factor or The Bachelor or whatever the hell else there is. But The Surreal Life, and Joe Millionaire, and High School Reunion.
Granted, Andrew and I don't have any money, nor cable, so we watch the best of what is available, and more so than before, because of the free things to do, even reading can get tiring, you can run out of creative fire, and eventually, sex will hurt. So we've been watching more tv.
I love watching them, and trying to figure out what the people are really like, and make my own decisions, and shout derisive things at the tv, and discuss whatever points come up as a result (i.e. what would I do if I were in a reality show, what is my high school reunion for, would I go, etc etc).
It's not all that thinky, mind you, but it's fun.
But just for the record - when I'm looking to Escape Reality, I want escapist stuff. That's why I go for fantasy literature, and Sci Fi stuff, and mysteries. I don't want reality based things! I don't want war. I don't want serial killers (unless what they do is very backgroundy, and what I'm paying attention to is solving the mystery to catch the serial killer in question).
Apparently, that's why I go for these particular "Reality" shows as well. It's not like they're actually based in reality.
Andrew and I are talking about doing some biking trips this spring. Since spring has already started, I guess that'll be soon.
When we have money, we want to buy some camping gear, but until then, it'll be day trips only.
At the moment, the first trip we want to do is biking out to the short hills (or whatever they're called) in the mountains, and doing some hiking, then biking back. We figure it's approximately an hour and a half bike ride each way - chump change.
I'm excited about that.
I've had a dream for as long as I can remember, that has to do with being in good enough shape to go on a long trip. I read "A Walk Across America" when I was in grade 9, and that helped form the dream.
The dream has taken a couple of different forms. For awhile, I wanted to take a couple of weeks and walk around part of Ontario - that's metamorphasized into a walk along The Bruce Trail. The Bruce Trail is about 800km long (about 500 miles). I figure it would take about 2 months to walk. Done in the spring or early summer, a beautiful walk. Hell, in the fall it would be a beautiful walk. Just cooler.
I never did it, however. I always thought it would be safest if I went with someone, preferably a boy. When I was with Aaron, he had no interest. When I was with Alex, he REALLY had no interest (he made a big deal about going to a local gorge for a couple of hours, and he chain smoked the whole time we were there).
I was talking about the dream the other day, and Andrew said it sounds wonderful, and he'd like to come along. (!!!) Awesome!!!
So we don't know when, but at least I can keep having my dream.
Another way this manifested itself was when I was living in Ottawa. I wanted to bike to Prince Edward Island, where a lot of my mother's family lives. Ottawa to Tignish is 1200 km (750 miles). I figured I could bike it in 12 days, stay there a couple of days, and fly back.
I'd started training for it, too. I was going to go in June of 1999. Then a stupid drunk idiot swerved out of his lane and hit the drivers side of my car head on at 80km an hour at 5am one January morning. I walked away from the accident, but I had whiplash and things that totally put me out of commission for long enough to screw up my training schedule. Then I ended up moving to Waterloo, and that dream died.
But Andrew likes the idea of biking places, too!!!
This is so exciting. It's so... wierd and right and wonderful and shocking and terrific to be with someone who likes SO MANY of the same things as I do. That he likes being active, likes eating organic and home made things. Likes adventures. Likes trips that require you be active the whole time. Doesn't need to spend money to be happy. Is artistic. Is everything.
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no subject
Easy for you to say when you don't have depression in your life. Do you think if a depressed person came to you seeking help, they would want to hear "you're just being self-indulgent?"
Do you think all your "I love Andrew and Andrew loves me" posts are not self-indulgent, or is that the kind of self-indulgence that's "okay" in your book?
You were right about one thing... you can't see your own hypocrisy. Sorry to be a dick, but your statement above offended me greatly. It's nice that you can be happy and in love while being blind to the trauma in the world and the people who might sometimes need your help, but that is why people like me grow to resent people like you.
no subject
I really wasn't talking about you, or to you. I would NEVER say to you "you're just being self indulgent". I really think there's more to it than that, for you, I really do. I hate it and I don't know what to say about it so I don't talk about it to you, because when I do, it doesn't help!
All I can say is it isn't as bad as you think it is, it isn't! That life can be bright and sometimes the only good things I can see are the mountains and the sky and the sound of the birds, but that gets me through it enough. And I don't think that's enough to say to you, it isn't intelligent, it isn't deep, it's just passionate. So I don't say it.
I honestly was not trying to offend you, and I'm sorry I did, because it really wasn't intentioned, and I care about you (whether you think that or not), and I care about your well being.
And self indulgence is ALWAYS allowed in a journal! In yours, in mine, in whoevers. All the more reason that I do not comment!