amble on

[brightbluegirl]

Life is pretty good.

We've been getting up early and going for a walk in the mornings. The plan was, after a few weeks we'd change that walk to a run/jog/skip sort of thing, for higher intensity.

But then we realized how much we like it... I love walking in the mornings before work with him, we talk, we hold hands, sometimes we just walk in silence. But I love it.

So instead of upping the intensity, we decided to up the length. So this morning we got up at 6am instead of 7, and walked for 60 min instead of 30. It was very nice... it really makes me happy to do that. It's the little things, really.

Of course, we still work out in the evenings - either yoga or another (usually longer) walk, or whatever... but that morning walk adds so much to my quality of life. I had no idea. Somehow, we found another one of those things in our perfect day.

You know, that perfect day? If you could describe what your perfect day is, a description of the average day in a perfect life for you?

(feel free to tell me your perfect day, I'd love to hear it!)

Well, mine includes a morning walk with my sweetheart...

Comments

[asimplelife.livejournal.com]

I definitely love walking Dixie in the mornings, and heading to the dogma park in the afternoon. I think it's a nice bridge between waking up-work-relaxing evening time. They are life's little intermissions that allow me to be calm before tackling the next step in my day.

[iswari.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'd love that if we could both manage to get up! ;-P

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

Awwwwwwww see.. thats the bestest!

That is YOURS and ANdrews time:) its important to have it:)

My perfect days lately have been going like this... actually this is my exact day yesterday.

I sleep at Kevin's. At 6am, He kisses me on the cheek and gets out of bed to get ready for work. At 6:30 he comes back in to kiss me and wish me a good day, telling me to "stay in bed".
Its my day off, i sleep in till 9:30.
I call him to see how his morning is going and he tells me to enjoy my day off.

I put dinner in the crock pot and wash a few loads of his laundry.
I take my mom out to run errands (she doesn't drive) I go back to Kev's and put on some music, i pitter patter around the house. (his place is homy and mine is in a mess of renovations) I feel like i have a "place" when i'm there.

I finish dinner, he shows up at 3:30 when work is done and says "honeyyyyyyyy i'm homeeeeeeee" and giggles that he's said that.

He kisses me, tells me it smells great and asks if he can have a look at what i made.

We talk for a while, have a nap for 30 min and then have dinner.

He spots that i've made him a pie, he's stunned, he tells me nobody but his mother has ever made him a pie, he's happy.

We talk so more, cuddle on the sofa , i leave so he can watch football.. and come home and have a great nights sleep.

It's a simple day, i just like doing things for others, and as i type this out, i wonder if thats and odd way to get my satifaction.

ANd this makes me wanna post about it now....

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a lovely day!

You wouldn't want to do things for him if he wasn't so appreciative though, I know that...

I think I would like that day too, only change that to "do our laundry" and stuff like that. I'm not nearly as selfless as you are!

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

Yeah i wish i had my laundry with me... i just wanted to get a few things done.. sheets and towels, he dosen't do those often enough. LOL

I can do laundry at home while i work, so i just did a few of his loads in his building.

He does appreciate it, but i still can't help but wonder if i'm being taken advantage of. I"m so scared to get back into a situation like i was before.

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

Well... was Scot ever appreciative, at the beginning? Did Scot ever send you sweet emails like that? Did Scot ever call you to see what you wanted for dinner?

My impression was always that he didn't do those sorts of things...

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

Scot never did any of those things.. but when i was 18 i didnt need things like that.. he was a good choice at THAT point in my life. As i grew older, i realized i wouldnt get from him what i needed.

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

Well, that's just it, though. When someone does something to begin with, they are MUCH less likely to stop it, then if they didn't do it to start off.

I think you're a lot safer with Kevin, then you were with Scot. Kevin really sounds like he has your best interests at heart!

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

why am i so scared.??
why do i feel like crying today?

I'm a wreck.. why? what happened to me?

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

Scot happened to you, sweets. It doesn't just take a few months to stop being scared. Don't expect it to.

After only 1 year with the asshole, I was frightened of being taken advantage of for at least a whole other year. And I still have flashbacks and get angry.

Look, it doesn't happen overnight. It's not a problem in you that you are frightened, it's only your problem if you don't tell Kevin that you're frightened, and WHY you're frightened, and WHAT you're frightened of.

It's natural to be trying to care for yourself. It's your job to keep yourself safe, and you're opening up to him piece by piece, and that means you're showing your vulnerability, and that means you're getting more scared.

It's ok to have these days.

*hug*

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

I expect to be scared/leary for the rest of my life. This has affected me, but i dont expect to be "this" scared forever.

I"m not sure how to tell Kevin without him thinking this is about him.
I just emailed you our "today" email convo.

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

I just had made the decision that i would not let him see me as vulnerable, because scot seen me that way and i worry that maybe that just was a turn off of sorts?

So i don't want Kev to see me struggle with things, or think this is about scot or him.

I don't even know what today's breakdown is about.. so how can i even explain it to him?

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

If it was a turn-off, it was because Scot's an ass.

Andrew sees me as vulnerable, being vulnerable is a part of life. He sees me cry, he sees me rage, he sees me fear and he sees me when I'm wrong, too. He sees all those things, and he loves me a LOT.

It's our vulnerability, mixed with our strengths and all those other things, that make us real human beings, and oh so loveable. You saw Scot's vulnerabilities, and you weren't turned off him! I see Andrew's...

I don't think you should let Kevin out of seeing your vulnerability... it's not fair to him.

I know you need to do what's best for you, but I don't like hearing that you're trying to hide part of yourself from Kevin so you don't "turn him off". If he doesn't like seeing you vulnerable, he'll walk away, and you shouldn't be with him. A partnership (which this could become) needs to include helping each other when we're down!

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

I just think you and Andrew have that kind of relationship, one where you see each other for who you really are.

With scot. being vulnerable meant i was weak and unstable emotinally, i never felt like i could just let that part of me come out, eventhough in 17 yrs you have no choice but to show some of that.

I know that being vulnerable is part of life and i think its healthy to be vulnerable at times, im just not sure that Kevin should be "dealing" with the feelings i have right now because in all reality, some of them are about him and what is happening between us. I get scared once in a while and then i back away.

If i look back, here, just on my journal, i normally get scared when i've done something to show i care about him. LIke spend the day making him dinner and doing nice things for him. Its like the next day i wake up and think "what are you doign Lynn, your falling into that cycle again where you just do and do."

He does too tho.. and that's what i need to remember and recognize.

I just don't think that i'm ready to be vulnerable with him , he see's me as this strong person who has overcome divorce with little struggles but it hasent' knocked me down. For the most part, i think i'm strong.. but the emotional part, which has honestly been non-existant , not by choice but by circumstance has just never surfaced .

He's mentioned to me before he doesnt know how to act when someone is emotional around him.

This isent a good time to test that, thats why i'm trying to just fight it off.

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

Ah well, as I said, you know best what you need to do for you. But I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't try to make sure you had good reasons for what you're doing...

It's interesting that you feel the fear after you do something nice for him. I mean, it makes sense... could you not just say to him, in a non-emotional way "well, to be honest, every time I do something nice for you, like what I did yesterday, even though you are appreciative, I get scared that what happened to me in my marriage is going to happen again. I know it's not you or anything you're doing, but me, so I don't want you to feel like I'm saying it's your fault, but it's how I'm feeling right now."

I mean, you're TALKING about emotions, but not being attacking, or "messy" with real tears or anything...

[pennycuts.livejournal.com]

I like that idea alot, i may just do that :)
thank you LIsa

[mummoth.livejournal.com]

Those walks sound nice.

A perfect day... hmmm... that could take a while... so:

The BEST was to START my day (preferably, it's light out):

I hear Caitlin wake up. She climbs out of her bed & toddles over to Rolands bed & climbs in with him. I hear giggling & a "Good morning Claitlin!" then "Lets go wake mummy up! Shhhh!" They climb out of bed & stomp down the hallway. Mose "Shhhh! Shhhh!" and giggling (Caitlin sticks her finger UP her nose when she does it) My door creaks open & I open my eyes. Roland bounces up onto the bed & says something like "Hey, move over stinky daddy!" Kevin grumbles & lifts the blanket to help Roland get tucked in. Caitlin lets out a shriek in protest at having not been lifted into bed yet. I tuck her in with me & the tickling, raspberry blowing, nose-honking, pitt-hair pulling madness begins!!

[zaftigvegan.livejournal.com]

A perfect day for me.

I wake up to muted sunlight and silence, all on my own, not because someone is snoring, elbowing me, or the children are already awake and whooping it up downstairs. Just because I had the exact amount of rest I needed, and it was enough before anyone else woke up.

I get up and magically I am not in pain or stiff. I leash the dog and walk over to the local evil Starfucks and get myself a venti soy mocha, no whip. I sip it while walking back home with another for Leon. The children are still asleep when I get in the door. I wake Leon and give him the coffee and tell him to sip it while I shower. After I am clean and fresh I come back to bed with him. We have amazing sex, nuzzle, talk. The children wake up and come into our bed for more talking, stories, giggling. We all get up and make a big breakfast.

After breakfast clean up, he takes the children out and I spend a couple of hours on the internet, with complete quiet and solitude. I drink more coffee, probably. I make plans to meet up with other friends in the evening.

When he and the children get back from their outing, we decide to go thrifting/garage sale-ing. We find lots of awesome stuff for teh cheap. Like a Kitchenade mixer and some bamboo steamers and awesome shoes and kids clothes and books. We then decide to go for dinner at our famvourite Chinese place.

After dinner, the kids get dropped off at my Mom's for an overnighter. Leon has plans to game with his geeky friends and I have a date with someone exciting.

The night goes beautifully. I am slightly drunk and still not in pain. I danced and laughed. I got kissed, probably by more than one person, and certainly not at all platonically. And in the end I go home to my husband, who is waiting up for me with some herb, a hot bath, and a back rub, and more nubbins.

I sleep like a rock, of course, with no dreams of the apocolypse or my death or the death of any loved ones.

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

That sounds lovely...

*hug*