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Feb. 1st, 2003 12:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlexcerpts from my mother's email
"I got a tiny feeling from reading your message to him that you were a little too lenient on him. He does not have a good track record. You were very generous to him, now will it be returned."
"Lisa, you are way off base here my dear. In a manner of speaking, I invented alternative cultures before you were born for heaven's sake. When you two were small, I was the only person I knew that was making homemade babyfood, the only mother who wouldn't put those baby shoes on her babies, a very brave act in those days and many, many things that set me at quite a distance from ALL of the neighbours and all the relatives. And there were no others like me. You may not think that qualifies as alternative cultures etc but it is only the things I care to tell you about. The truth is that was the end of the hippie movement and I was quite a free thinker. This tells me that you still are at quite a distance from full understanding of what our differing beliefs are. Please believe me when I tell you that I don't think you know me anywhere near how you think you know me. However you are definitely right about the tatoos!!"
Let's just say that I'm angry. This email, coupled with an email she sent just before it about how I am unclean and my kitchen is dirty because I don't do things the way she does, made me very upset.
I feel that, while I am trying to open communication to a free loving place between adults, she wants to keep this as a communication between children (she called me a kid in the other email), while not being forthright, but expecting me to be "generous" and even, I would say, psychic in my understanding of her.
I think that when having open communication between adults who haven't done that before, it's important to be "generous" and sensitive. These topics are sensitive. We take things personally. Things hurt. It's difficult to deal with sensitive emotional topics, and to deal with the fact that we have hurt others.
I'm angry.
I'm angry.
I'm so very very very angry.
I have to craft an email to her that will get across my hurt while being the "generous" that she thinks isn't a good thing.
the visit
Cam's visit went terrifically. We had so much fun. We went to Blue Dragon and played a word game and ate good food. We went to our next door neighbours and watched a horrible kung fu movie (Buddha be praised), and the short B horror flick they wrote, and hung out. We watched American Idol and laughed. We went hiking in the foothills, and went to "goth night" and wandered around Old Town, and just hung out. It was really awesome.
At one point, on the bus to Old Town, I realized just how happy I was. My whole body felt happy. Not just because a treasured friend was in my energy field, but also because we were out, doing things. And, I'm sure, because it's no longer winter. Spring weather rules.
Unfortunately, last night I got a migraine. A big, brutal, horrible migraine. So bad I couldn't sleep. So bad I cried. I took a bunch of Ibuprofen, and eventually, with a massage from Andrew, I fell asleep.
I woke up at 4:30am for Cam's leaving, still with a headache, and of course the wobbly tummy that comes with migraines. I took more Ibuprofen, but I couldn't get back to sleep until Andrew got back, and then I had to wake up again to come in to work. My tummy is still wobbly, but my head is relatively better. I've got the Ibuprofen close to hand in case I need it.
So here I am. Missing Cam, but delighted we got to spend time together.
"I got a tiny feeling from reading your message to him that you were a little too lenient on him. He does not have a good track record. You were very generous to him, now will it be returned."
"Lisa, you are way off base here my dear. In a manner of speaking, I invented alternative cultures before you were born for heaven's sake. When you two were small, I was the only person I knew that was making homemade babyfood, the only mother who wouldn't put those baby shoes on her babies, a very brave act in those days and many, many things that set me at quite a distance from ALL of the neighbours and all the relatives. And there were no others like me. You may not think that qualifies as alternative cultures etc but it is only the things I care to tell you about. The truth is that was the end of the hippie movement and I was quite a free thinker. This tells me that you still are at quite a distance from full understanding of what our differing beliefs are. Please believe me when I tell you that I don't think you know me anywhere near how you think you know me. However you are definitely right about the tatoos!!"
Let's just say that I'm angry. This email, coupled with an email she sent just before it about how I am unclean and my kitchen is dirty because I don't do things the way she does, made me very upset.
I feel that, while I am trying to open communication to a free loving place between adults, she wants to keep this as a communication between children (she called me a kid in the other email), while not being forthright, but expecting me to be "generous" and even, I would say, psychic in my understanding of her.
I think that when having open communication between adults who haven't done that before, it's important to be "generous" and sensitive. These topics are sensitive. We take things personally. Things hurt. It's difficult to deal with sensitive emotional topics, and to deal with the fact that we have hurt others.
I'm angry.
I'm angry.
I'm so very very very angry.
I have to craft an email to her that will get across my hurt while being the "generous" that she thinks isn't a good thing.
the visit
Cam's visit went terrifically. We had so much fun. We went to Blue Dragon and played a word game and ate good food. We went to our next door neighbours and watched a horrible kung fu movie (Buddha be praised), and the short B horror flick they wrote, and hung out. We watched American Idol and laughed. We went hiking in the foothills, and went to "goth night" and wandered around Old Town, and just hung out. It was really awesome.
At one point, on the bus to Old Town, I realized just how happy I was. My whole body felt happy. Not just because a treasured friend was in my energy field, but also because we were out, doing things. And, I'm sure, because it's no longer winter. Spring weather rules.
Unfortunately, last night I got a migraine. A big, brutal, horrible migraine. So bad I couldn't sleep. So bad I cried. I took a bunch of Ibuprofen, and eventually, with a massage from Andrew, I fell asleep.
I woke up at 4:30am for Cam's leaving, still with a headache, and of course the wobbly tummy that comes with migraines. I took more Ibuprofen, but I couldn't get back to sleep until Andrew got back, and then I had to wake up again to come in to work. My tummy is still wobbly, but my head is relatively better. I've got the Ibuprofen close to hand in case I need it.
So here I am. Missing Cam, but delighted we got to spend time together.
Yay!
Date: 2003-02-01 07:25 pm (UTC)I had such a great time. I think I might be over my "fear" of long-distance vacations. :)
--Cam