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brightbluegirlIt's interesting to see the different reasons why people journal online. Some do it to put revolutionary things out there. Some do it to be artistic. Some do it for the community, to make new friends or feel popular or keep in touch with old friends. And some, like me, just do it for the journalling.
I guess I say the odd revolutionary thing, and sometimes there's an artistic twist to things, and I do like making friends and keeping in touch with old friends...
But this is, over and above all that, my journal.
I read someone today who was complaining because she's put some artificial boundaries on herself when she writes, and she resents those boundaries. She has them there because she doesn't want to let certain people know too much about her vulnerabilities, or maybe because she doesn't want to start drama.
I'm exactly like that. There are entire subjects that I've been ignoring because I wonder who exactly reads... but I refuse to write friends-only because I have at least 3 friends I know of who are not on livejournal, and who I would hate to have miss out on my life. It is how we keep close, after all. :)
But you know, it probably doesn't matter... this is a relatively new medium, this web logging thing. I've been doing it since 98, but it's still new. No one has really figured out the miss manners rules for online journalling.
I'm thinking:
1) if you read the journal of someone you know in real life, don't be surprised if sometimes they write about being frustrated with you... after all, we get frustrated with our friends all the time. It doesn't mean it needs to be addressed, freaked out about, or the cause of drama. Just take a step back and remember that you're priviledged to read their diary in the first place.
2) if you read the journal of someone you know in real life, who doesn't know that you read it - you're at your own risk, you really are. Firstly, you're being sneaky, and if they find out, they'll probably be upset - just cuz you were sneaky. Fess up quickly and let them make the decision, and stick to what they say. Secondly, if you read their journal and find out they don't like you much... well... that's what you get. Don't blame them. You can try to work it out with them, if you like them, or you can just let it go, but don't start a war. That's sad.
3) if you read the journal of someone you don't know, and they say things you don't like, stop reading.
4) if you write a journal, and know that people you know will be reading, consider their feelings when you write. Not to the point of lying, just to the point of "do I really need to say this? is there a better way of saying this?" (For example: "Eric was a real asshole last night" could be changed to "Last night Eric did something that struck me the wrong way. I just didn't like it." or even, nothing in the journal, but an email to Eric "hey, Eric, I didn't like what happened last night") After all, keep in mind that saying something in your journal about someone, when you know they read it, can be construed as a passive-aggressive threat.
5) For fucks sake, write. Write what you feel. Write about what makes you breathe, write about the sparkles in the night air. Write about true love. Write about yearning. Write about fear. Write about vulnerability. Write about your day. Write.
In other news, I'm afraid my night last night was pretty boring. Andrew made a terrific asparagus quiche for dinner, we filled out a planned parenthood survey (yeah, ASK the canadian if she thinks medical aid should be available to low-income families), watched buffy, and went to bed. I slept for 10 hours last night, and I feel GREAT!
I just had this fantastic vision of a spoken word piece just chock full of pop-culture references like "it's ggrrrreeeat!!" That would be a lot of fun.
I guess I say the odd revolutionary thing, and sometimes there's an artistic twist to things, and I do like making friends and keeping in touch with old friends...
But this is, over and above all that, my journal.
I read someone today who was complaining because she's put some artificial boundaries on herself when she writes, and she resents those boundaries. She has them there because she doesn't want to let certain people know too much about her vulnerabilities, or maybe because she doesn't want to start drama.
I'm exactly like that. There are entire subjects that I've been ignoring because I wonder who exactly reads... but I refuse to write friends-only because I have at least 3 friends I know of who are not on livejournal, and who I would hate to have miss out on my life. It is how we keep close, after all. :)
But you know, it probably doesn't matter... this is a relatively new medium, this web logging thing. I've been doing it since 98, but it's still new. No one has really figured out the miss manners rules for online journalling.
I'm thinking:
1) if you read the journal of someone you know in real life, don't be surprised if sometimes they write about being frustrated with you... after all, we get frustrated with our friends all the time. It doesn't mean it needs to be addressed, freaked out about, or the cause of drama. Just take a step back and remember that you're priviledged to read their diary in the first place.
2) if you read the journal of someone you know in real life, who doesn't know that you read it - you're at your own risk, you really are. Firstly, you're being sneaky, and if they find out, they'll probably be upset - just cuz you were sneaky. Fess up quickly and let them make the decision, and stick to what they say. Secondly, if you read their journal and find out they don't like you much... well... that's what you get. Don't blame them. You can try to work it out with them, if you like them, or you can just let it go, but don't start a war. That's sad.
3) if you read the journal of someone you don't know, and they say things you don't like, stop reading.
4) if you write a journal, and know that people you know will be reading, consider their feelings when you write. Not to the point of lying, just to the point of "do I really need to say this? is there a better way of saying this?" (For example: "Eric was a real asshole last night" could be changed to "Last night Eric did something that struck me the wrong way. I just didn't like it." or even, nothing in the journal, but an email to Eric "hey, Eric, I didn't like what happened last night") After all, keep in mind that saying something in your journal about someone, when you know they read it, can be construed as a passive-aggressive threat.
5) For fucks sake, write. Write what you feel. Write about what makes you breathe, write about the sparkles in the night air. Write about true love. Write about yearning. Write about fear. Write about vulnerability. Write about your day. Write.
In other news, I'm afraid my night last night was pretty boring. Andrew made a terrific asparagus quiche for dinner, we filled out a planned parenthood survey (yeah, ASK the canadian if she thinks medical aid should be available to low-income families), watched buffy, and went to bed. I slept for 10 hours last night, and I feel GREAT!
I just had this fantastic vision of a spoken word piece just chock full of pop-culture references like "it's ggrrrreeeat!!" That would be a lot of fun.
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no subject
Date: 2003-02-26 09:51 am (UTC)I totally agree with your view of weblogging ettiquette. Our journals are just like the inside of our heads. Would we become angry with someone if we were suddenly able to read their minds? I think not.
Thank you for wording it so well!
no subject
no subject
Date: 2003-02-26 06:14 pm (UTC)So I figure it's a good thing that we have to develop etiquette for an almost pathologically open society. Some sort of etiquette which isn't based on the ability to maintain totally different personas with different circles of people.
In the short-term, though, it seems like it's likely to cause some intolerance and conflicts. And, of course, the issues about whether transparency should apply to EVERYONE, or just those not rich or powerful enough to force the rules...
Somehow, people need to come to terms with the fact that people do lots of things that don't accord with the sanitized self-story we make about our culture.
no subject
Date: 2003-02-26 06:48 pm (UTC)Thanks for your comments. I was so impressed I added you forthwith to my Friends list. I just want to read your stuff; hope you don't mind.
Go five!
after a couple minutes of this, i caved. there you go, googly eyes.
my actual comment is this:
point number five resonates very strongly with me. i want to start writing more but i also want to go out and spend time with people. one day i'll learn to do both. in the meantime, go 5!
i'm a little giddy right now. bounce bounce bounce...
Re: Go five!
Hence long journal entries pretty much whenever you feel like it.
Of course, life takes precedence over writing about life - so of course you're doing nothing wrong, you are, in fact, doing it right!
And the googly eyes are pretty cool, doncha think? :D