faith

[brightbluegirl]

I can't go on faith any more.

I've been working so hard. I've been trying, SO HARD. I cut my calories this week, to get me out of this plateau. Not to mention upping my protein. I'm eating only 1500 calories daily (except for Mondays), and eating at least 60g of protein. I'm working out all the time. I'm increasing weights, increasing workout frequency, training for a huge bike trip...

And I fucking am NOT losing weight.

I've been hungry every work day this week. I get home and I'm hungry. I eat, and then I'm hungry.

And when I'm not allowed to do stuff, I'm bitchy. Not a good mix with pre-menstrual hormones, let me tell you. I'm surprised Andrew's still talking to me.

I am trying SO FUCKING HARD.

This guy at work has lost 9 lbs in two weeks.
My brother lost 4 lbs in two weeks.
I theoretically lost 1 lb last week, but no-one would know, because this morning the scale said I GAINED 2 lbs.

I talked to my brother again last night and he gave me different advice than last time. He thinks I should up my cardio. I told him I don't have any fucking time. And it's true.

I don't.

I work, I eat, I rest for a little bit (working out on full stomach bad). Then, 3 (now 4) days a week we lift, do abs, and stretch. That takes about an hour and a half. Then it's almost time for bed. 2 days a week I need to take time off... I've tried taking less days off, and I got sick and VERY tired. On the weekends we do lots of cardio, because that's when we have time. Other than that, I bike to work and back. 20 minutes each way, the first 20 on an empty stomach, every morning, just to burn those extra bits of fat.

I am working so FUCKING HARD.

I'm tired of working so hard and not seeing the results that other people get. I'm tired of hearing my mother say "You're supposed to be hungry to lose weight", because that is BULLSHIT. I'm tired of seeing other people lose gobs and gobs of weight while I struggle and my scale says I gain.

Andrew, my mom, my brother, all say how proud of me they are. I don't give a DAMN how proud of me they are. I want results, dammit. I'm not even asking for quick results, I want to lose one god damned pound a week, that's all.