dither

[brightbluegirl]

I got a call about a job in Ottawa.

I'd applied to it on a whim, because I can do the job, and because I (as you all know so well) am stressing like a banshee about the job situation.

So I got the message this afternoon and dithered and dithered and dithered about it, finally deciding to call and say I'm still interested, because I should at least TRY to get the job, before deciding what to do about it.

I called just after 5, though, and it's Canada Day weekend, so I had to leave a message.

There are quite a few reasons why I'm not so sure about this.

• Andrew and I JUST decided that what we want most is to move to Vancouver, and live in just one place for at least 5 years. Ottawa U *must* be good for Political Science, I mean, that's the capital. So I can't say no based on Andrew's schooling plans...


• The asshole lives in Ottawa. Granted, I spent a year there, meeting him once at a new friend's house, another couple of times at a club. I could live there for years, seeing him only rarely, I'm sure.


• I applied to this job in Vancouver at a video game company, and they LIKED me. They don't have any QA jobs available now, but they told me to contact them before I come back to the country in August. That's positive. My DREAM JOB is working for a video game company, and I don't want to lose out on that for a job just cuz it's safe.

I guess those are the only reasons. It's not perfect. But which would I prefer? Living in a not perfect situation where I'm at least making money, or living in a not perfect situation where I'm not making money but I'm looking for a job and living in a great city?

I'd be less stressed in the first situation.
I'd be most happy if I got a great job in a city I want to live in.

I think part of me is afraid that I won't get the good things. I know I've felt that way before. Part of me thinks the perfection - the great job, the great living space, the daily pure glee - happens to other people, somehow more lucky people - but not me.

And part of me says DAMMIT I AM NOT GOING TO CHOOSE LESS THAN PERFECTION ANY MORE. I want it all. I don't want it all in 10 years, I want it now. I have the perfect relationship, the delightful relationship that keeps me happy every day. I want the great job, the great living space, all that, and I want it NOW.

I can't get it if I take the Ottawa job. (Yes, yes, I know, we haven't even interviewed yet)

I think I'll interview, for the practice, and wait and see what they think. If they want me, I'll negotiate for money and benefits, and see what I get. THEN I'll make the last decision.

By the way, I finished Harry Potter.

Comments

[dextra.livejournal.com]

oooooooh, ottawa...
btw, i started harry potter, but had to return the borrowed copy at the end of this weekend.
/me twitches

Re:

[freakykitten.livejournal.com]

well, you'd be a good part of Ottawa. :-)

I have the interview on Wednesday at 3:30 your time. Who knows, maybe the job will be too good to pass up! Especially if Andrew finds something at Carlton that will work for him for school.