Big Time Sensuality
Jul. 13th, 2003 09:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlYesterday I was talking to my manager and his wife, and telling them about my anxiety/stress, and they gave me some sleeping pills that she takes - ones with no sleeping hangover. I told them I've never done sleeping pills, but they pushed them on me. I decided to try one (Well, a half a one) last night, because work on Sundays is quiet enough that if it didn't work or I woke up feeling crappy, that I could make it up. It didn't really keep me sleeping, but it... relaxed me a little, I guess. Not like a laxative, though. I can't explain it. I relaxed enough that I let go of a LOT of water I was holding. I forgot that stress makes me hold water. So it meant I had to pee three times before I could even get to sleep (like, within 30 minutes), and then got up every 2 hours to pee, but when I slept I slept well. I still woke up at 5am and had trouble going to sleep, but I was able to talk myself into relaxing and deep breaths and stuff, and I didn't stay awake and tense for hours like usual.
And this morning I saw that I'd lost 2 lbs!!!! Not only that, but although I woke up earlier than I wanted, and it took me a little time to get out of bed, that was normal (since we were getting up early to go for a run) and it only took me the normal time to get to perky-kitten. And we ran this morning, well, walked/jogged, for about 25 minutes, then lifted weights for a bit, and ate Kamut porridge with soy milk and blueberries, and I biked into work, and I feel really great!
So today I'm feeling 100%. Maybe even better than that. :D I don't know that I'll use any of those pills again - well, I might try one again in a couple of weeks if I start feeling stressed like that again and can't sleep, but I don't think I'm hooked on them or anything. Besides, she only gave me 5 halves. :P
Our run this morning was wonderful. Not only was Cam right, and improvement is quick when you start running, so we ran more, and farther, and longer than the first time we went out, but we LIKED it today. I enjoyed myself!
And it's beautiful here in the mornings. It's a wonderful temperature, there isn't a lot of people around, it's bright and the birds are chirpy. It's quite lovely.
Which is good, because today was the start of our changed schedule. Since it's so hot now, we've decided to get up earlier (5am/6am depending on the day), and run or swim, and lift weights, in the mornings while it's cool.
It means that for the next little while we'll be early-to-bed folks, which I've never really been (I mean, I consider myself an early-to-bed person, but that's 11 in general, not 9:30 or 10), but we don't have a lot of people we hang out with here anyway, so I don't think our social life will suffer. (heh.)
I'm reading The Obsession: Reflections on the Tyranny of Slenderness. My mother gave it to me years ago, she'd bought it for herself and then thought I might like to read it. I picked it up once or twice, but never even opened it until last night.
It's interesting.
To be clear: I'm concentrating on losing weight because I want a) more energy and b) my body to be able to do what I tell it to do and c) a long healthy life
I'm not losing weight to be super-thin - my goal is still considered "high" by media standards. I don't want to look old before my time because I'm too skinny and my face is leathery, I don't want to be unable to enjoy food. I don't want to make my body boyish, I don't hate it's femininity, I don't hate my body and I don't hate myself.
I love my body. :)
She talks a lot on the guilt and shame that women have around their bodies and their sensuality. And it has really hit home. I'm not so guilty or ashamed now, but it took me a long time to embrace the fact that it's ok to enjoy food, ok to enjoy orgasms, ok to touch myself, ok to take decadent naps on the couch. I'm glad I don't have that shame any more. I'm also glad that I do more things I love now (like eating exquisite food instead of anything near), so I feed my sensual needs instead of trying to block them.
And I'm glad I'm reading this book.
And this morning I saw that I'd lost 2 lbs!!!! Not only that, but although I woke up earlier than I wanted, and it took me a little time to get out of bed, that was normal (since we were getting up early to go for a run) and it only took me the normal time to get to perky-kitten. And we ran this morning, well, walked/jogged, for about 25 minutes, then lifted weights for a bit, and ate Kamut porridge with soy milk and blueberries, and I biked into work, and I feel really great!
So today I'm feeling 100%. Maybe even better than that. :D I don't know that I'll use any of those pills again - well, I might try one again in a couple of weeks if I start feeling stressed like that again and can't sleep, but I don't think I'm hooked on them or anything. Besides, she only gave me 5 halves. :P
Our run this morning was wonderful. Not only was Cam right, and improvement is quick when you start running, so we ran more, and farther, and longer than the first time we went out, but we LIKED it today. I enjoyed myself!
And it's beautiful here in the mornings. It's a wonderful temperature, there isn't a lot of people around, it's bright and the birds are chirpy. It's quite lovely.
Which is good, because today was the start of our changed schedule. Since it's so hot now, we've decided to get up earlier (5am/6am depending on the day), and run or swim, and lift weights, in the mornings while it's cool.
It means that for the next little while we'll be early-to-bed folks, which I've never really been (I mean, I consider myself an early-to-bed person, but that's 11 in general, not 9:30 or 10), but we don't have a lot of people we hang out with here anyway, so I don't think our social life will suffer. (heh.)
I'm reading The Obsession: Reflections on the Tyranny of Slenderness. My mother gave it to me years ago, she'd bought it for herself and then thought I might like to read it. I picked it up once or twice, but never even opened it until last night.
It's interesting.
To be clear: I'm concentrating on losing weight because I want a) more energy and b) my body to be able to do what I tell it to do and c) a long healthy life
I'm not losing weight to be super-thin - my goal is still considered "high" by media standards. I don't want to look old before my time because I'm too skinny and my face is leathery, I don't want to be unable to enjoy food. I don't want to make my body boyish, I don't hate it's femininity, I don't hate my body and I don't hate myself.
I love my body. :)
She talks a lot on the guilt and shame that women have around their bodies and their sensuality. And it has really hit home. I'm not so guilty or ashamed now, but it took me a long time to embrace the fact that it's ok to enjoy food, ok to enjoy orgasms, ok to touch myself, ok to take decadent naps on the couch. I'm glad I don't have that shame any more. I'm also glad that I do more things I love now (like eating exquisite food instead of anything near), so I feed my sensual needs instead of trying to block them.
And I'm glad I'm reading this book.
