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brightbluegirlI've been just slightly out of it for days. I don't care when I'm at home, or on the way to or from work (as long as I don't miss the bus or get off at the wrong stop or anything flaky like that), but at work it's embarrassing, like today when I discovered that I'd forgotten to put my name on the invoice I handed in yesterday, and etc.
It's pretty hard to impress a new company you're working for when you're being a total flake.
It's irritating. I know that I go through cycles, like my brain needs to take a break every once in a while, but it may also be the constant fumes of paint, paint thinner and cat pee in the house.
Penelope is NOT peeing on the carpet, thank everything that's holy, but she HAS peed on things that were left on the carpet (like a blanket, a sheet, that sort of thing), and the pee soaked through, so the carpet smells a little stinky. I'm afraid that she's going to take the smell as an ok to pee wherever she wants, so we're going to have to shampoo the rug.
Not to mention that the cats have thrown up several times since we've gotten here, and I'm afraid they're eating paint thinner off the carpet (where Andrew has cleaned paint drops up), and that's really making me frightened. I don't want my cats to get sick (never mind DIE) because we were too stupid to take care of them properly.
So we're renting a carpet shampooer thingie tonight, and Andrew's going to do the dirty deed (clean deed?) tomorrow.
Sunday night I had a dream wherein I had a miscarriage (a messy one that Andrew and I were trying to deal with on our own, that I was, at times, pulling out of myself), and diarrhea.
(I know, lovely image)
It seems my subconscious is telling me it's time to let go of something, but, other than my weight (which is a constant goddamned thing on my mind, I know), I can't think of what that might be.
My hair is still doing the stupid ass pear/conehead horrible wave thing. It may be the humidity. Check back for more updates.
It would indeed be funny if I had my best hair ever in Albuquerque. I mean, since I never got it cut and didn't do anything with it.
Tonight Andrew and I are going out for sushi, then for a movie. I want to see Once apon a time in Mexico (for the obvious droolworthy reasons), but who knows what we'll actually see.
I mean, I also want to see Freaky Friday because 1) I like Jamie Lee Curtis and 2) I loved that book when I was growing up. LOVED. IT.
I want to write about how this feels like home every single day. About how it's the little things that get my attention, and about how good that makes me feel.
I don't want to insult all my US readers, though. Be assured that if I know you're reading, I like you lots, and it isn't YOU I'm talking about, in fact it's not specific people at all... it's just about Canadians as a people vs Americans as a people.
So here it is:
So, it's not that I'm saying that all those things are BAD, in the states. Well, except the fear thing and the gay marriages things. They're just different than what I'm used to, so it just feels like coming home. Andrew said, if he didn't think about it, he'd forget we weren't still in the states, but every moment is like a brilliant flash of "you're BACK" for me.
I'm getting back into the groove, I notice less and less every day, and I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget Albuquerque (the good and the bad), and I don't want to forget what I learned about Canada, and what I learned about the U.S. I don't want to forget this feeling of "Thank the gods I'm HOME!" and I also don't want to forget my adventure.
My coworker just said that, in his house, "Mama-ismo" rules instead of "Machismo", and "that's the way it should be".
CUTE!
It's pretty hard to impress a new company you're working for when you're being a total flake.
It's irritating. I know that I go through cycles, like my brain needs to take a break every once in a while, but it may also be the constant fumes of paint, paint thinner and cat pee in the house.
Penelope is NOT peeing on the carpet, thank everything that's holy, but she HAS peed on things that were left on the carpet (like a blanket, a sheet, that sort of thing), and the pee soaked through, so the carpet smells a little stinky. I'm afraid that she's going to take the smell as an ok to pee wherever she wants, so we're going to have to shampoo the rug.
Not to mention that the cats have thrown up several times since we've gotten here, and I'm afraid they're eating paint thinner off the carpet (where Andrew has cleaned paint drops up), and that's really making me frightened. I don't want my cats to get sick (never mind DIE) because we were too stupid to take care of them properly.
So we're renting a carpet shampooer thingie tonight, and Andrew's going to do the dirty deed (clean deed?) tomorrow.
Sunday night I had a dream wherein I had a miscarriage (a messy one that Andrew and I were trying to deal with on our own, that I was, at times, pulling out of myself), and diarrhea.
(I know, lovely image)
It seems my subconscious is telling me it's time to let go of something, but, other than my weight (which is a constant goddamned thing on my mind, I know), I can't think of what that might be.
My hair is still doing the stupid ass pear/conehead horrible wave thing. It may be the humidity. Check back for more updates.
It would indeed be funny if I had my best hair ever in Albuquerque. I mean, since I never got it cut and didn't do anything with it.
Tonight Andrew and I are going out for sushi, then for a movie. I want to see Once apon a time in Mexico (for the obvious droolworthy reasons), but who knows what we'll actually see.
I mean, I also want to see Freaky Friday because 1) I like Jamie Lee Curtis and 2) I loved that book when I was growing up. LOVED. IT.
I want to write about how this feels like home every single day. About how it's the little things that get my attention, and about how good that makes me feel.
I don't want to insult all my US readers, though. Be assured that if I know you're reading, I like you lots, and it isn't YOU I'm talking about, in fact it's not specific people at all... it's just about Canadians as a people vs Americans as a people.
So here it is:
- The other day we were in the hardware store and a child was there with his mother. She said something and he said "Pardon Me?" He did NOT say HUH.
- When I say "Thank you" to someone, ANYONE, here, they say "You're welcome". Including servers. They do NOT say uh huh.
- There isn't the same culture of fear here. No great big boards saying "WEST NILE IS EVERYWHERE!!! COVER UP! WEAR SUNSCREEN! DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE! DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE! YOUR NEIGHBOURS ARE OSAMA! YOUR CHILDREN ARE AT RISK! GETTING GAS IS DANGEROUS! SO ARE KITTENS AND PUPPIES!" or notes on the mailboxes saying "PEOPLE WANT TO STEAL YOUR MAIL!" instead, it's back to the same old same old, where if you have someone else's mail by mistake, you can leave it on top the mailbox, they'll get it. Or the grocery man says "well, if you're not there, I'll just leave this in front of your door until you get home", or the folks at the grocery store lend you the quarter you need. Never mind the way the banks treat you here, compared to there.
- We line up for the bus here
- Gay marriages are legal in Ontario (and soon, elsewhere, I hope)
- The water, the seagulls, the humidity, and the abundant fresh fish
- A useful, central, huge transit system (I admit, that was Albuquerque, not the U.S)
- The evenings are cool, and I can smell fresh cedar when we walk.
- Even the sidewalks are like when I grew up
- The type of multiculturality (is that a word?) is familiar to me. Heavy on the asian and east-indian.
So, it's not that I'm saying that all those things are BAD, in the states. Well, except the fear thing and the gay marriages things. They're just different than what I'm used to, so it just feels like coming home. Andrew said, if he didn't think about it, he'd forget we weren't still in the states, but every moment is like a brilliant flash of "you're BACK" for me.
I'm getting back into the groove, I notice less and less every day, and I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget Albuquerque (the good and the bad), and I don't want to forget what I learned about Canada, and what I learned about the U.S. I don't want to forget this feeling of "Thank the gods I'm HOME!" and I also don't want to forget my adventure.
My coworker just said that, in his house, "Mama-ismo" rules instead of "Machismo", and "that's the way it should be".
CUTE!
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-16 12:45 pm (UTC)Perhaps your dream meant that you already DID let go of something? All the fears you had in the US, all the worrying you did over moving and finding a job?
no subject
Date: 2003-09-16 12:52 pm (UTC)Bullseye!
Date: 2003-09-17 06:21 pm (UTC)I have spent a lot of time in the US over the past decade (and am about to spend several years there starting in a few weeks!), and that one thing is the thing that causes me the most ... I guess the only word for it would be "irritation". It's like a "ya whatever" to an expression of gratitude... a tacit, "I'm only doing it because I have to". It's very funny that you should mention that :-).
There isn't the same culture of fear here
This is what I'm dreading the most. How to shelter my children from the paranoia and to have an honest and trusting first reaction to situations (innocent until proven guilty) -- street smarts are okay, but unfocused fear of the other/them is damaging.
Thanks for your post!
P.S. Let me know, if you make naan again, whether it turns out well for you. I'll be trying again next month with whole wheat, but I'll try something different to see if it helps make them more tender (I don't know what yet... but I'll try something ;-).