EXTREMELY bummed
Nov. 13th, 2003 03:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlWell, it went badly.
And then I wrote this super long perfect long response baring my soul... and my email session EXPIRED AND ATE THE ENTIRE THING.
So I had to write it all over again, and I was super frustrated at that time, and I guess that's not surprising, and it just wasn't as good an email.
But it's sent, and I've wasted most of a work day, and I was close to tears earlier, and I didn't eat so I stopped being able to see properly, and I was shaking SO BAD from no food (I have now eaten... a little)
So it's a bad day. And I'm pretty sure we will be able to resolve the whole thing and our relationship will be all the better and the closer for it.
But I'm frustrated with the situation anyway. Am I so picky? Am I so super sensitive to such things? Am I REALLY THE ONNNNNNNLLLY PERSON WHO DOESN'T LIKE UNSOLICITED ADVICE???????
Worse yet, am I really a hypocrite?
I hate hypocrites. Worse, hypocrites that rationalize what they're doing to make it ok. I try so hard to not be a hypocrite, to fairly act to people the way I ask them to act to me. I figure I slip up every once in a while, we all do, but I ask that people tell me when I do. No-one ever mentions anything, so I really don't know when I slip up or not. Then, later, when they're mad at me, I hear angry accusations of how I'm a hypocrite and all the rest of it, and that really really hurts and sends me into a funk for a really long time while I try to figure out where I was hypocritical.
(So if you ever wanted to know how to hurt me, now you do)
I dunno. I hate hating myself. I hate fighting with friends. I hate thinking my friends don't really like me as much as they say they do. I hate thinking that my friends are all thinking "she is so full of herself, she is so wrong about everything and she is such a bitch" and blah blah blah and not telling me the truth.
I hate thinking that I am completely wrong about who I am, and everyone else knows it and is laughing at me, and doesn't respect me because of it.
In an aside, my tastebuds are recognizing sweet things again. My snack of carrots this morning were very sweet carrots, and I just ate an orange that tasted so sweet I couldn't believe it was only an orange.
And then I wrote this super long perfect long response baring my soul... and my email session EXPIRED AND ATE THE ENTIRE THING.
So I had to write it all over again, and I was super frustrated at that time, and I guess that's not surprising, and it just wasn't as good an email.
But it's sent, and I've wasted most of a work day, and I was close to tears earlier, and I didn't eat so I stopped being able to see properly, and I was shaking SO BAD from no food (I have now eaten... a little)
So it's a bad day. And I'm pretty sure we will be able to resolve the whole thing and our relationship will be all the better and the closer for it.
But I'm frustrated with the situation anyway. Am I so picky? Am I so super sensitive to such things? Am I REALLY THE ONNNNNNNLLLY PERSON WHO DOESN'T LIKE UNSOLICITED ADVICE???????
Worse yet, am I really a hypocrite?
I hate hypocrites. Worse, hypocrites that rationalize what they're doing to make it ok. I try so hard to not be a hypocrite, to fairly act to people the way I ask them to act to me. I figure I slip up every once in a while, we all do, but I ask that people tell me when I do. No-one ever mentions anything, so I really don't know when I slip up or not. Then, later, when they're mad at me, I hear angry accusations of how I'm a hypocrite and all the rest of it, and that really really hurts and sends me into a funk for a really long time while I try to figure out where I was hypocritical.
(So if you ever wanted to know how to hurt me, now you do)
I dunno. I hate hating myself. I hate fighting with friends. I hate thinking my friends don't really like me as much as they say they do. I hate thinking that my friends are all thinking "she is so full of herself, she is so wrong about everything and she is such a bitch" and blah blah blah and not telling me the truth.
I hate thinking that I am completely wrong about who I am, and everyone else knows it and is laughing at me, and doesn't respect me because of it.
In an aside, my tastebuds are recognizing sweet things again. My snack of carrots this morning were very sweet carrots, and I just ate an orange that tasted so sweet I couldn't believe it was only an orange.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-11-13 04:13 pm (UTC)in fact i always thought you very strait forward and clear about yourself, your actions and what you expected of others..
no subject
Date: 2003-11-13 05:55 pm (UTC)Heh. We never did succeed in keeping up e-mail, so I'm really glad we can talk to each other this way. It still feels at least somewhat close and personal.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-14 09:43 am (UTC)I think really we both just needed some space before..but yeah, getting to connecting again on LJ is definitely someting which makes be very happy.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-13 04:37 pm (UTC)I'm sending you waves of comfort from over here....
no subject
Date: 2003-11-13 05:56 pm (UTC)Although, mutants are cool. Superpowers would be awesome!!!