I still can't do it...
Dec. 8th, 2003 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlAndrew put it best, when he said:
"Your mother doesn't act like a mother. At best, she acts like a baby sitter that doesn't want to be there. When her daughter starts to cry, a mother doesn't think 'She's trying to manipulate me!', no, when her daughter starts to cry, a mother thinks 'Oh no, my daughter is crying, something must be wrong!' "
He makes it easy to put things into perspective sometimes. He was a rock that weekend, he was really great.
He always is.
I had a great time with my brother and his girl. We had fantastic hanging out time, and my brother GAVE ANDREW AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR!!! Which is too cool. It was his old one, and he said he's been given so many guitars over the years, he wanted to give something out in return - and who better than to family? That meant a LOT.
Yes, visiting with my brother was fantastic. We had our bobbles, little things, us negotiating spending time together physically (as opposed to only over the phone or via email, which is what it's been for us for years), but they were tiny, worked out by our fantastic communication skills and secure knowledge that we care about each other. (yay!!!)
My brother broke down and cried on Saturday night too, after my mom left. He started crying when he said it wasn't about how she treated HIM that got him him so upset (he knows he was the favourite, and still is, even though she has also fucked him up royally), but what she did to me. And he started to cry, and all he could say was "I hate having a fucked up family".
This is big. BIG. His girl had never seen him cry. I have, but then again, I'm his sister.
We've agreed we should hang out more often. Knowing that I have/am going to have a great REAL relationship with my brother is terrific. It's keeping me buoyant. It's delicious and life-affirming. I've wanted this for a very long time.
I'm skirting around everything that happened with my mom, but I still don't know where to start.
I DID get some winter boots, even though they weren't in the budget, because I didn't have any, but Andrew has some, and it has been getting slippery. Matt showed me this store where he got some for cheap. I found some cute black boots that were $90 regularly, but were on sale for $50, and that day there was an additional 20% off everything in the store! w00t!
I also got a winter coat. My mom saw it and thought it was perfect for me. It IS quite nice, but even at the reduced price of $140, I couldn't afford it. Even with Alberta having no sales tax. She offered to pay $100 of it, and I really didn't want her to. I couldn't afford her having that kind of hold on me, to be brought up at some inopportune time to show was a good person she is and what a bad person I am. But after much hemming and hawing and trying it on (and her grabbing my ass and yelling about how I have to get the big coat to fit it - I snapped at her and then *I* was the bad guy), I decided to get it. After her discount card and the $100, I only had to pay $34 for it. Also not in the budget... but a good winter coat.
I have to stop now. I still don't want to get into it.
"Your mother doesn't act like a mother. At best, she acts like a baby sitter that doesn't want to be there. When her daughter starts to cry, a mother doesn't think 'She's trying to manipulate me!', no, when her daughter starts to cry, a mother thinks 'Oh no, my daughter is crying, something must be wrong!' "
He makes it easy to put things into perspective sometimes. He was a rock that weekend, he was really great.
He always is.
I had a great time with my brother and his girl. We had fantastic hanging out time, and my brother GAVE ANDREW AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR!!! Which is too cool. It was his old one, and he said he's been given so many guitars over the years, he wanted to give something out in return - and who better than to family? That meant a LOT.
Yes, visiting with my brother was fantastic. We had our bobbles, little things, us negotiating spending time together physically (as opposed to only over the phone or via email, which is what it's been for us for years), but they were tiny, worked out by our fantastic communication skills and secure knowledge that we care about each other. (yay!!!)
My brother broke down and cried on Saturday night too, after my mom left. He started crying when he said it wasn't about how she treated HIM that got him him so upset (he knows he was the favourite, and still is, even though she has also fucked him up royally), but what she did to me. And he started to cry, and all he could say was "I hate having a fucked up family".
This is big. BIG. His girl had never seen him cry. I have, but then again, I'm his sister.
We've agreed we should hang out more often. Knowing that I have/am going to have a great REAL relationship with my brother is terrific. It's keeping me buoyant. It's delicious and life-affirming. I've wanted this for a very long time.
I'm skirting around everything that happened with my mom, but I still don't know where to start.
I DID get some winter boots, even though they weren't in the budget, because I didn't have any, but Andrew has some, and it has been getting slippery. Matt showed me this store where he got some for cheap. I found some cute black boots that were $90 regularly, but were on sale for $50, and that day there was an additional 20% off everything in the store! w00t!
I also got a winter coat. My mom saw it and thought it was perfect for me. It IS quite nice, but even at the reduced price of $140, I couldn't afford it. Even with Alberta having no sales tax. She offered to pay $100 of it, and I really didn't want her to. I couldn't afford her having that kind of hold on me, to be brought up at some inopportune time to show was a good person she is and what a bad person I am. But after much hemming and hawing and trying it on (and her grabbing my ass and yelling about how I have to get the big coat to fit it - I snapped at her and then *I* was the bad guy), I decided to get it. After her discount card and the $100, I only had to pay $34 for it. Also not in the budget... but a good winter coat.
I have to stop now. I still don't want to get into it.
