back in the groove thang
Dec. 15th, 2003 02:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightbluegirlSo yesterday I was sitting at the computer in the shorts and tank top I wear as wandering-around-the-apartment pajamas, listening to Christmas Music. I was playing an old favourite Christmas tape I love, and Jon Bon Jovi's "Back Door Santa" came on. I always giggle at Back Door Santa, because, you know... well, I'm juvenile.
So I'm giggling, and working, and there comes this BANG BANG BANG on the door! I actually got a little weirded out, since it WAS Sunday afternoon. I wondered if my music was too loud, but that didn't make sense because I didn't have it any louder than normal. I wondered all sorts of things. I opened the door (shorts and tanktop, bed head and all - hey, it was Sunday, and I don't usually get to do that!), and it was a PACKAGE!
An early Christmas present from Cam and Nick. I didn't realize it was a Christmas present until I opened it, because I was still weirded out from the Sunday delivery, but it was, indeed, a present. If I'd known, I would have left it as something else to open on Christmas. But that's ok. Hooray for presents!
Then I laughed for a long time about the fact that a package from Cam and Nick showed up when "Back Door Santa" was playing. Because, you know... I'm juvenile!
Heh.
Then I called Cam to tell him, and got to talk to him for awhile. I'm a lucky girl. LUCKY, I tell you!
My mom called.
I don't really know how to explain that phone call. She was very nice, but kept saying that she wasn't going to respond to my email for a while, because 'it hurt too much', which didn't make any sense, but of course she wouldn't explain, and she said 'both my children think they understand me, but they really don't' (I think I understand her far more than she has any idea).
She DID apologize for grabbing my ass and talking about it's size in the clothing store, she apologized over and over, and said it didn't even occur to her, but once I pointed it out, she said yes, she would have responded the same way, and she just wasn't thinking, and etc. That felt really good.
But then she complained about other people in her life, and expected me to counsel her. (Which I did) (like the fact that the mother of her godson expects to be able to come over for a couple of hours once during the Christmas holidays, which led to such insightful statements on her part as "I didn't ASK to be his godmother!")
My relationship with my mother is really fucked up. She wants me to be her counsellor, AND her subject. Too weird.
So I've got a bit of a reprieve. Until I receive her email, I'm relaxed knowing that she obviously wants to keep our relationship, or she wouldn't have called (plus she told me she bought presents for the kitties). I'm also more relaxed about the contents of this future email, because there's something wrong with how she views the world. Even the worst things she can say will just be so out there. So wrong, that I'm not worried. I'll just figure out some way to dodge, and I can't really see myself taking it personally.
I lost another pound, I lost another pound, I lost another POUND!!! I am 11 pounds away from my goal. Can you and I just GASP a little at that? I am so excited. I'm scared, too. I don't really know if I'm scared that I'll screw it up, or scared that I won't look like I've lost the weight even then, or scared that I won't know what to do with myself when I no longer have my weight to focus on. I just don't know. All I know is that I'm scared.
I think we're going to go get our Christmas Tree tonight once I get home from work. Huzzah! We'll put it up tonight and let it settle, and then maybe tomorrow we'll decorate...
Tomorrow evening Suzanne is coming over! She's in town for 2 weeks with her boy. Well, in the province. So tomorrow night they're coming over for dinner (baked portabello mushrooms with roasted potatos and garlic swiss chard, and vegan chocolate pudding for dessert), and hanging out.
I figure once they leave we'll decorate the tree. If we don't decorate it then, it won't be decorated until the weekend. Andrew is working 3-10 shifts all week again, which kind of really super duper a whole lot sucks.
I'm just keeping the end of the month in mind. We're going to get lots and lots of time together then - Christmas AND New Years. That's GOT to make up for some of this...
Andrew washed my clothes in hot water the other day. The shirt I'm wearing today is a bit tight and is climbing up my belly (I can stretch it back though - it's just cotton), and the bra I'm wearing is uncomfortable in odd places.
I'm not mad at him at all, I told him about the horribleness of girl clothes, and he's been doing our laundry for years and this is the first mistake, and I have DEFINITELY made mistakes of this nature before, but it really sucks to have to wear uncomfortable bras. Even the most comfortable bra can be a nuisance. And we don't have the money to buy me new bras (they are so GODDAMNED EXPENSIVE! And as much as I like thrift Stores, I will only wear new bras, not thrift store bras. That's just a bit too icky for me.).
Ah well. Life goes on.
I worked out yesterday. I did my 45 minutes of cardio, and then I lifted. Ah, joyous lifting. It was nice to do it on my own again, actually, and feel the movement of my muscles and not have to talk to someone else (even my delightful bhunny), and just be inside myself for awhile.
I did back lats, front lats, bench press, shoulder raises, biceps and triceps. Enough for a first day back on my own, I think. (I left out flyes, lateral raises (which I hate), and all leg and ab work)
And I did it all watching True Lies. True Lies is a fun romp, when you ignore the socio-political statements. I really like Jamie Lee Curtis, and enjoyed watching her part in the movie. Her part has always been the kicker for me.
I can feel my upper body again, I like that feeling. I like knowing I'm alive.
So a young lad (I'm guessing 20 at his OLDEST) kept looking at me the other day as I was standing at the bus station, reading, waiting to go home. I know this only because every time I looked up to see if the bus was coming, he was looking at me. I thought nothing of it, after all, others people-watch all the time, hell, *I* do it all the time, when I'm not reading.
So the bus eventually came, and I forgot about the young lad, and concentrated on my book. I rang for my stop, and stood at the back door, where he was. He was looking in my direction again, but I just figured he was looking at where the bus was going (I dunno, it could happen). But then as we both stepped off the bus, he asked me what gauge my ears are at. ("Ah HA!" thought I, "he noticed I'm stretching my lobes...").
In about 30 seconds he told me he had his P.A. done.
About 1 second later I crossed the street and he went the opposite way.
Heh.
Boys are cute.
So I'm giggling, and working, and there comes this BANG BANG BANG on the door! I actually got a little weirded out, since it WAS Sunday afternoon. I wondered if my music was too loud, but that didn't make sense because I didn't have it any louder than normal. I wondered all sorts of things. I opened the door (shorts and tanktop, bed head and all - hey, it was Sunday, and I don't usually get to do that!), and it was a PACKAGE!
An early Christmas present from Cam and Nick. I didn't realize it was a Christmas present until I opened it, because I was still weirded out from the Sunday delivery, but it was, indeed, a present. If I'd known, I would have left it as something else to open on Christmas. But that's ok. Hooray for presents!
Then I laughed for a long time about the fact that a package from Cam and Nick showed up when "Back Door Santa" was playing. Because, you know... I'm juvenile!
Heh.
Then I called Cam to tell him, and got to talk to him for awhile. I'm a lucky girl. LUCKY, I tell you!
My mom called.
I don't really know how to explain that phone call. She was very nice, but kept saying that she wasn't going to respond to my email for a while, because 'it hurt too much', which didn't make any sense, but of course she wouldn't explain, and she said 'both my children think they understand me, but they really don't' (I think I understand her far more than she has any idea).
She DID apologize for grabbing my ass and talking about it's size in the clothing store, she apologized over and over, and said it didn't even occur to her, but once I pointed it out, she said yes, she would have responded the same way, and she just wasn't thinking, and etc. That felt really good.
But then she complained about other people in her life, and expected me to counsel her. (Which I did) (like the fact that the mother of her godson expects to be able to come over for a couple of hours once during the Christmas holidays, which led to such insightful statements on her part as "I didn't ASK to be his godmother!")
My relationship with my mother is really fucked up. She wants me to be her counsellor, AND her subject. Too weird.
So I've got a bit of a reprieve. Until I receive her email, I'm relaxed knowing that she obviously wants to keep our relationship, or she wouldn't have called (plus she told me she bought presents for the kitties). I'm also more relaxed about the contents of this future email, because there's something wrong with how she views the world. Even the worst things she can say will just be so out there. So wrong, that I'm not worried. I'll just figure out some way to dodge, and I can't really see myself taking it personally.
I lost another pound, I lost another pound, I lost another POUND!!! I am 11 pounds away from my goal. Can you and I just GASP a little at that? I am so excited. I'm scared, too. I don't really know if I'm scared that I'll screw it up, or scared that I won't look like I've lost the weight even then, or scared that I won't know what to do with myself when I no longer have my weight to focus on. I just don't know. All I know is that I'm scared.
I think we're going to go get our Christmas Tree tonight once I get home from work. Huzzah! We'll put it up tonight and let it settle, and then maybe tomorrow we'll decorate...
Tomorrow evening Suzanne is coming over! She's in town for 2 weeks with her boy. Well, in the province. So tomorrow night they're coming over for dinner (baked portabello mushrooms with roasted potatos and garlic swiss chard, and vegan chocolate pudding for dessert), and hanging out.
I figure once they leave we'll decorate the tree. If we don't decorate it then, it won't be decorated until the weekend. Andrew is working 3-10 shifts all week again, which kind of really super duper a whole lot sucks.
I'm just keeping the end of the month in mind. We're going to get lots and lots of time together then - Christmas AND New Years. That's GOT to make up for some of this...
Andrew washed my clothes in hot water the other day. The shirt I'm wearing today is a bit tight and is climbing up my belly (I can stretch it back though - it's just cotton), and the bra I'm wearing is uncomfortable in odd places.
I'm not mad at him at all, I told him about the horribleness of girl clothes, and he's been doing our laundry for years and this is the first mistake, and I have DEFINITELY made mistakes of this nature before, but it really sucks to have to wear uncomfortable bras. Even the most comfortable bra can be a nuisance. And we don't have the money to buy me new bras (they are so GODDAMNED EXPENSIVE! And as much as I like thrift Stores, I will only wear new bras, not thrift store bras. That's just a bit too icky for me.).
Ah well. Life goes on.
I worked out yesterday. I did my 45 minutes of cardio, and then I lifted. Ah, joyous lifting. It was nice to do it on my own again, actually, and feel the movement of my muscles and not have to talk to someone else (even my delightful bhunny), and just be inside myself for awhile.
I did back lats, front lats, bench press, shoulder raises, biceps and triceps. Enough for a first day back on my own, I think. (I left out flyes, lateral raises (which I hate), and all leg and ab work)
And I did it all watching True Lies. True Lies is a fun romp, when you ignore the socio-political statements. I really like Jamie Lee Curtis, and enjoyed watching her part in the movie. Her part has always been the kicker for me.
I can feel my upper body again, I like that feeling. I like knowing I'm alive.
So a young lad (I'm guessing 20 at his OLDEST) kept looking at me the other day as I was standing at the bus station, reading, waiting to go home. I know this only because every time I looked up to see if the bus was coming, he was looking at me. I thought nothing of it, after all, others people-watch all the time, hell, *I* do it all the time, when I'm not reading.
So the bus eventually came, and I forgot about the young lad, and concentrated on my book. I rang for my stop, and stood at the back door, where he was. He was looking in my direction again, but I just figured he was looking at where the bus was going (I dunno, it could happen). But then as we both stepped off the bus, he asked me what gauge my ears are at. ("Ah HA!" thought I, "he noticed I'm stretching my lobes...").
In about 30 seconds he told me he had his P.A. done.
About 1 second later I crossed the street and he went the opposite way.
Heh.
Boys are cute.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-15 10:15 pm (UTC)that is so wonderful and cute of them :)
and i think i'd probably giggle too :P
i miss your kitties too
and you have a great ass
"In about 30 seconds he told me he had his P.A. done."
was that his pickup line?
no subject
Date: 2003-12-16 06:25 am (UTC)I only have 40 to go. *puke*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-16 08:42 am (UTC)And you look grand (and can fit into clothes) at your present weight, while I don't look so grand, yet. :P 40 lbs or no!
no subject
Date: 2003-12-17 06:18 am (UTC)My goal is 140, which I don't think is too far out there, considering I'm only 5'5" and my best friend is the same height and weighs 120.. and doesn't look too thin. That concerns me but I'm going to work on 140 and go from there!